Now turn away,
'Cos I'm awful just to see,
'Cos all my hairs abandoned,
All my body,
All my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo,
But counting down the days to go,
It just 'ain't living,
And I hope you know,
That if you say,
Goodbye today,
I'd ask you to be true,
'Cos the hardest part of this, is leaving you,
'Cos the hardest part of this, is leaving you.
***
He crouches in front of the new headstone, reaching forward to wipe some dirt away from the gentle cursive writing. Tears fall from his eyes and onto the heaped piles of fresh soil.
'Ryan Ross, 1976-2008. Son, brother, husband. Dearly missed.'
Brendon glances up at the sky, at the dark grey clouds that seem to smother him. A steady drizzle washes over the endless rows of gentle stones, both old and new. He spots a woman holding the hand of a small child entering through the gates.
"Where are we going, mom?" The young boy asks.
"To see your daddy on his birthday, hun." The woman whispers. Brendon watches them wander through the graves and hover sadly over another new one. A lump forms in Brendons throat and he turns his head back to the stone.
He's not the only one who's missing someone today.
"I have to go now, Ryan. Therapy again." He explains. "There isn't a day I'm not thinking about you. I-I love you." His voice cracks and fresh tears leak from his eyes. Slowly, he slips the small, diamond wedding ring from his finger and places it on top of the soil. That's Ryan's ring. His own is on a silver chain around his neck.
"I'm sorry. I'll be back tomorrow, I swear. Fly high, my angel."
Slowly, he straightens up and plants a gentle kiss on the cold headstone.
"I miss you. Bye for now, honey." He mumbles, before spinning on his heel and speed-walking out of the huge metal gates.
Brendon walks for a long amount of time, unsure as to where he is truly going. He lost purpose long ago. Eventually, his knees buckle and he falls forward, his body racked with pain and grief.
"We could have been something." He tells the sad, grey clouds floating high above him. He pictures his lovers hazel eyes watching him sadly from above, silent and unblinking. The pain in his chest grows, clouding his mind. He waits for a hand on his shoulder, for a soothing word to whip past his ear.
Nothing happens. He's alone. He's alone forever now.
"I'm coming Ryan. I'm coming for you."
***
"Angels can fly." He told the harsh wind, stretching his arms wide. "Will I still see him? Will I still see my lover if I kill myself?" He asked.
But he was alone.
No one was with Brendon Urie when he died.
***
"Brendon? Is that you?"
"R-Ryan?"
