STEP DADDY (COMPLETED)

4: I Forgive But I Never Forget

Junior year of high school was starting off great... better than I expected actually. All of my teachers that I had for the following semester knew I had a baby girl and allowed me to do most of homework in class only if I finished with my class work. That helped a lot allowing me more time with Athena after I got home from school. When she napped, I finished the rest of my homework or studied. Being up at 3 A.M. working on Physics homework is not fun at all. There were times Athena would wake up in the middle of a study session for a bottle and then I'm too tired to even finish. Hours later I'm jumping out of my sleep to continue on with my work.

I found out during my third week of school that I was pregnant again. What was this? A Joke? Because I wasn't laughing. I immediately set an appointment the next day at the clinic to get an abortion. In the back of my mind, I knew this was the right thing to do but I was against abortions and here I was making an appointment to rip this child out of me.  If I had kept that baby, I was going to be out on the streets for real.  Two days before the appointment, I felt excruciating pain in my lower abdomen and started bleeding. I was having a miscarriage. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. Maybe that was God handling the situation; he knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I had gotten the abortion.

I decided to keep the failed pregnancy from my mother. I asked her to give me a couple of days to rest due to a bad period. Luckily, she was off from work for the next few days as was able to watch Athena during those days. After setting an appointment at the clinic, I got on birth control, to at least prevent pregnancies.

Word got around the neighborhood he was caught messing  with Ms. Hudson next door, she was a yoga instructor who I heard was very...very flexible. She kicked him out for a few days only for him to return with gifts and candy. Of course she accepted his apology and bullshit lies. He tries to be nice to me and offer me things to get on my good side like her. Only I wasn't falling for it. After that last mishap with him, I've been at home walking on eggs shells and constantly looking over my shoulder thinking he would attack me again. My mother leaped out and scared me during Thanksgiving dinner and I almost lost my shit attacking her. She thought it was hilarious until I swung an empty pot at her head. I tried journaling to get through this but it wasn't working any more.

I needed some Christmas cheer in my life. Last year, I was depressed from being pregnant and scared about being on the street from my mother finding out that I was pregnant but this time around I was excited because we were celebrating Athena's first Christmas and my mother and I was being cordial for once. I hustled extra hard to make sure Athena had a Christmas tree and presents to go under it. I forgot all about my 16th birthday that was coming up In a few days.

"What do you want for your birthday?" My mother randomly asked me out of nowhere as I watched Athena play with her toy.

I was completely caught off guard by her question. I wanted Rocko dead for my birthday... If we're being honest here. I had better chance getting a fire breathing dragon or a unicorn instead.

I responded with a smile, "Honestly I have everything I need right here." Holding Athena up and kissing her on the cheek. "Plus, you already got me a new phone a few weeks ago."

"I'll still want you to have this." She handed me a birthday card. "This last year has been rough but I'm slowly learning to forgive but you know ya momma is not going to forget this." She joked. "Since Athena has been here your light has shine brighter. I'm proud of the woman and mother that you are becoming." My mother smiled. I guess this was her way of saying I'm sorry.

All I could do was smile as I took the card. I forgive you mom but I will never forget the day I tried to tell you what your husband has done and you turned your back on me.