empathy (rewritten 2019)

unsaid

keiko

I wish I could tell you for the last time why you should live. Each and every time I could think up another reason more to keep you on the ground.

and my first few reasons were along the lines of

what would your parents think?

what would naruto think?

you're so young, you have so much to do

but on her last birthday i reminded her of my list, reasons being

you are so special

you've helped so many, given so much, you deserve something in return

you are so powerful so kind so giving the world needs a woman like you

and a thousand more

But the one reason I never said was that of my own selfishness, my own loneliness, my own need. And sometimes I wonder if just muttering it under my breath between reason number thirty and thirty-one would be enough to keep you on the ground.

please don't go i need you here you're my only family

But you could only ever die for you and I could only ever die for me and these unsaid words are now my bitter regrets. And reason after reason could never keep you alive because there was that one girl who couldn't call you special and those friends who never believed in debt and the world ruined such a girl like you.

But in the end I guess I kept you grounded, only six feet under.

ino

You were fragile from day one; crying at Ami and her friends as they crumpled the flowers around you, crying for Sasuke before he left, crying for death and for life. And I guess this was my fault in the least. I was there for Ami but never there for the rest.

Maybe if I chose you over some boy, you would have been alive.

kakashi

I wish I was a better sensei. I could have talked more. I could have taught you more. Maybe then, you would have the knowledge of mine to prove your strength.

But my hesitance was the last shovel of dirt over your packed grave, littered with squashed pink petals and buds. And as they lowered you down into the earth, I stood back, daring not to watch the next burial of a friend lost.

The world called you a flower but you were a crane, the eternal youth of strength born of the toughest endeavors, the high reaching wings born to leave the ground in one swing. And the world, laughing, mocking, and selfish, shot you down.

naruto

You never seemed to need me and the thought of that used to scare me. Now it just pities me. Maybe you needed that someone in your life who could give you what I used to offer.

I used to tell you you were pretty everyday. I used to say you were beautiful. I used to love you like that. But I guess, once I left with Hinata, maybe you were a bit lonely. And I guess that one night we argued, you felt lonelier.

I realize this now, after your friend screamed in my face. Maybe I should have kept loving you. Or, maybe, I should have said sorry.

sasuke

I've told you a thousand times I didn't love you. But I guess I should have told you that you shouldn't look down on yourself so much instead. Maybe my rejection towards you was what caused your insecurity. I guess I should have been nicer.

If it makes you feel better, I know now.

sakura

The world was in ruins but it never tainted me. In the end, I was the reason for my undoing. I fell for my own faults and mistakes and regrets.

And I never needed a man to live. My love was old but everyone's memory of it is fresh and new.

But I guess I should have waited a few more days to live. The biggest regret of my life was never telling Keiko goodbye.