I'm not a fighter (Tom x reader)

Pushing a kiss away with a lie.

I felt so weak.

I felt so special.

I felt so bad.

I felt so fake.

I stood there with wide eyes as I still held the flask in my right hand. He held my face with both hands as he lightly turned his head in the process.

I ignored all the grief I felt and closed my eyes as I put my left hand on on his cheek.

We stayed like that for about ten seconds.

This felt nice. Yet felt stupid.

I can't leave like this...

We parted and looked into each other's eyes. I tried to find something in them as if he didn't like me at all.

I Didn't find anything that he didn't love me...

"Tom—" I was interrupted by him kissing me again.

This time he went all in. He held me tight, his hands now on my arms. he slid his tongue into my mouth. I let out a yelp as he did so.

Don't get me wrong, this felt so right, but I'm leaving and never coming back.

I'm lying to the love of my life...

So I pushed him lightly, hinting to stop.

I didn't want it to...

"Tom. I think the others are waiting." I said.

"Oh. My bad.... Sorry." He apologized.

"Tom?"

"Yeah...?"

"I love you..."

And then, I walked out of the kitchen and said my goodbyes to Edd and Matt (and even to Tord even though I didn't half to) and I walked outside and in the car. I didn't look back. I didn't want to.

I don't even know how he reacted.

"Are we ready?" My mom asked, not looking at my sad face.

"No...." I said, looking down at my hands. "But we could go to the house now..." I said, putting my seatbelt on.

My mom didn't say everything. It was quiet and I didn't like it.

"So... Does anyone got the time?" I jumped at the sudden voice. My mom seem to react to it.

"8:57pm." She responded, looking at her phone a little then keeping her eyes on the road.

I looked back and saw that was Patryck sitting there behind me. "Thank you." He said.

"How long were you there?!" I asked, eyeing him.

"About seven minutes and twenty six seconds to be exact." He said, leaning back on his seat to relax.

I sat there confused and with my mouth hung open.

Did he count the freakin minutes?

"Well... Alright...?" I said, sitting back down.

For the past ten minutes again, quiet. I didn't even know what to think.

The man I killed...

My parents....

Me leaving forever...

The kiss...

Everything made my head hurt. And my heart. If only I wasn't so stupid! I'm an idiot! I should have just.... I don't know...