Book of Quotes

Artemis Fowl

Artemis Fowl: Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer

- “Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.” 

- “It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.” 

- “If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.”

- “Trust me. I'm a genius.”

- “Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.”

- “I don't like lollipops.” 

- “Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.” 

- “The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask.” 

- “I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots, aderringer two-shot up his sleeve, garrotte wire in his watch, and three stun greanades concealed in variouse pockets. Anything else, Butler?” 

- “I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room.” 

- “Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.” 

- “A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.” 

- "Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!” 

- “Stay back, human. You don't know what you're dealing with.” 

- “Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.” 

- “Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.” 

- “If Koboi defeats and presumably murders us both then you can consider the debt null and void.” 

- “I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?”

- “Certainly, Doctor. Let's talk about your chair. Victorian?”

- “My bugs don't have bugs.” 

- “Thankfully the rest of the world assumed that the Irish were crazy, a theory that the Irish themselves did nothing to debunk. They had somehow got it into their heads that each fairy lugged around a pot of gold with him wherever he went. While it was true that LEP had a ransom fund, because of its officers' high-risk occupation, no human had ever taken a chunk of it yet. This didn't stop the Irish population in general from skulking around rainbows, hoping to win the supernatural lottery.” 

- “Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes."

"That's professor Moriarty," corrected Foaly.

"Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls.” 

- “Let's save some time here. I grow weary of your clumsy bluffs. In the case of an abduction, the LEP will send a crack Retrieval team to get back what has been lost.. You have done so. Excuse me while I titter. Crack team? Honestly. A Cub-Scout patrol armed with water pistols could have defeated them.” 

- “But even though there were plenty of teeth in the grin, there was no heart.” 

- “If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm mad. That's the way history is written” 

- “Butler was seeing the world as it was, complete with L.E.P retrival team” 

- “Don't worry chief,"said foaly,"It's like riding a unicorn,you never forget.” 

- “this was business.” 

- “What's this?" he inquired, none too pleasantly. "A circus?"

"No, Julius. It's the end of the circus."

"I see. And these are the clowns?"

Foaly's head poked through the doorway.

"Pardon me for interrupting your extended circus metaphor, but what the hell is that?” 

- “Anything else, Butler?"

"The cosh, sir.” 

- “I don't know why it is, Captain Short, but whenever you start agreeing with me, I get decidedly nervous.” 

- “Anybody see you come in here?"

Holly thought about it.

"The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, M16. Oh, and the EIB."

Foaly frowned. "EIB?"

"Everyone in the building.” 

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Next: The Artic Incident