Book of Quotes

The Lost Colony

Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony by Eoin Colfer

- "No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world."

- "If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungarees."

- "What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?"

- "Everyone says that I have no sense of humor, then I construct a perfectly sound pun around a well-known psychological condition, and it is ignored."

- "Relax, Mr. Diggums. Have another nettle beer, or some spring water." The commander took two bottles from the cooler and offered one to Mulch.

Mulch studied the label. "Derrier? No thanks. You know how they put the bubbles in this stuff?"

Vinyaya's mouth twitched with the ghost of a smile. "I thought it was naturally carbonated."

"Yeah, that's what I thought until I got a prison job at the Derrier plant. They employ every dwarf in the Deeps. They made us sign confidentiality contracts."

Vinyaya was hooked. "So go on, tell me. How do they get the bubbles in?"

Mulch tapped his nose. "Can't say. Breach of contract. All I can say is it involves a huge vat of water and several dwarfs using our ...eh" Mulch pointed to his rear end-"... natural talents."

Vinyaya gingerly replaced her bottle."

- "A cloak of invisibility? This is a highly sensitive piece of field equipment. What does he think? Some warlock pulled it out of his armpit?"

- "Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"

- "Holly frowned at her. "Glad to see you've forgiven yourself so quickly."

"Harboring feelings of guilt can have a negative affect on mental health."

"Child geniuses," growled Holly.

"Genii," said Minerva."

- "Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?"

- "There are always a few bored audience members at an opera, especially by the time act four comes along. Those particular eyes would be wandering around the hall, searching for something, anything, interesting to watch. Those eyes would land on the little demon downstage right, unless they were distracted.

Right on cue, a large stage lamp broke free of its clamp in the rigging and swung on its cable into the back canvas. [...]

On his way though the lobby minutes later, Artemis was highly amuse to overhear several audience members gushing over the unorthodox direction of the opera's final scene. The exploding lamp, muse one buff, was doubtless a metaphor for Norma's own falling star. But no, argued a second. The lamp was obviously a modernistic interpretation of the burning stake that Norma was about to face.

Or perhaps, thought Artemis as he pushed through the crowd to find a light Sicilian mist falling on his forehead, the exploding lamp was simply an exploding lamp."

- "Caballine likes me to be masterful. She calls me her stallion."

- "Just what we need," moaned Holly. "Artemis Fowl with magical powers."

- "I am older and have more control over my empathy,' said Qwan. 'That's why I didn't throw up.' And having said that, he threw up."

- "Control puberty?" snorted the bodyguard."If you manage that, you'll be the first."

- "Chief of security : They have a tank! How did they get a tank up here?"

- "You know as well as I do that fortune never sends the best-case scenario our way

You have way too much bad karma."

- "Make it fast, you shower of stinking rabbit droppings, I've got a fresh blade that I'm just itching to test!"

- "It can play solitaire and minesweeper," replied Artemis innocently."

- "That is a highly sensitive piece of field equipment. What does he think? Some warlock pulled it out of his armpit?"

- "Justin Timber-guy"

- "When Holly Short had opened the door of her makeshift basement cell, she had found her helmet bouncing on the spot in front of her with a 3-D image of Foaly's face projected onto it. "That is really creepy,"

- "The female guard smiled broadly then collapsed. On the ground she began singing a nursery rhyme about doggies and their bones."