Boy Next Door

Chapter 15 - Trying

It's been just over two months since that beautiful day Namjoon and I said our vows a second time to make it legal in the states. I am now officially Mrs. Kim and life has gotten pretty much back to normal, with the exception of constantly trying to get pregnant. My birth control wore off a month ago, but we are still having no luck. I knew it would be difficult, but I had hoped that after a month, something would stick. We try at least twice a week, sometimes once a day when I'm ovulating, but so far they have all turned up in failure. If you have to fail at something though, right? Heh, at least it's still fun.

I still feel like I love him more every day, yet I'm starting to get down about not being able to give him the family we both want. He tells me it's okay and that it's not my fault. I know it's not, but I still feel responsible. I can tell he sees it written all over me with the frequent back rubs, extra hugs and 'I love yous.' He's such a good man, I know he's trying to help, but the nicer he is to me, the more guilty I feel.

Another month and no results. I have an appointment with a fertility doctor in a week to figure out what is going on and if it's just delayed effect from the birth control or something more. I know I'm probably overreacting, it's only been two months since the birth control ended, I was told it could take up to three after being on the shot for so long, but better safe than sorry. The silver lining in all this was we have now moved in together and rented out his house for extra money. We were never apart before, but living together made married life feel all the more real. I often come home with the 'Honey, I'm home!' line and frequently call him my house husband for a laugh. He always responds with the same, 'I work from home! I'm not a house husband!', in a huff. It still makes me laugh.

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"Ready, honey?", Namjoon handed me my coat. It was time to see the doctor.

"I guess so..."

"Don't be nervous. Everything will be fine, it's just taking longer to get pregnant like they told us before."

"I hope you're right."

"Ji Ji.", Namjoon took my hands and bent to my eye level, "Trust me, everything will be fine. There is nothing wrong with you.", he pressed a sweet kiss to my lips, "I would love you, even if there was. Kids would be nice, but you are all I need."

Emotions stirred and I threw my arms around his neck, thankful to have this wonderful man in my life.

Sitting in the waiting room was killing me, my leg was nervously bouncing, my fingers tapped on my knees. Namjoon's hand come down on mine to gently pat my twitching fingers. When I looked up, he was smiling softly at me, I didn't deserve this man... he was so caring and understanding. I really needed to stop thinking that way, but right now, I couldn't help it.

"Mrs. Kim?", the assistant opened the door and called out into the room.

I got up and followed her in, pulling Namjoon with me by the hand, I was not doing this alone. She did all the normal doctor stuff, weight, height, asked about any conditions or symptoms and general eating and drinking habits. Blood pressure and temperature were taken, and I was asked for a urine sample.

When I returned from giving my specimen, I sat in the cold overly white office with my patient husband holding my shaking hands. After a time, the doctor came in.

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Kim, I'm Dr. Jackson, it's nice to meet you.", he was very pleasant and had a warm smile on his face. "I understand you are having some trouble getting pregnant?"

"Yes, sir. I recently stopped birth control; the three month shot. It's been two months since the effects wore off and I'm just here to make sure that nothing is actually wrong with me."