Vulnerable

One - Andy

Friendship, what does it mean to you? A beautiful ideal, idyllic and childlike. Someone who is there and puts you first, no matter the consequences. I think that's what it's supposed to be. I mean, that's what I read online.

I want someone to be my friend, someone who can see my weak side and vulnerable side and not bully me for it. Someone who would love me, hold me, tell me it's gonna be okay. But I don't deserve that happiness.

How can I forget all the lessons my father has taught me over the years, beaten into me. But I can't help being me. I can't take back the moment I told him I was gay.
I wish I could be the son he wants, maybe life wouldn't be hell if I could just like girls and be sporty and... well everything I'm not.

"Andy, get your lazy ass down here", my thoughts were Interrupted. Any belief I deserved better evaporated as my resolve crumbled, I ran to him, and I knew what was coming.

"You filthy runt, you haven't made me breakfast" he yells, throwing an empty bottle of whiskey at my face as I enter the kitchen.

"I'm sorry Sir" I yelp as I feel glass sink into my soft side.

"C'mere boy" he snarls. I feel my knees buckle beneath me as I move towards him. The fear I give off is tangible in the air.

"I ask little of you, you know that boy. All I ask is obedience, you don't realize how lucky you are. You have a roof over your head you ungrateful slut" he slurs, still drunk from the night before. I know what's coming.  I try to run, I should know by now how futile it is. His heavy arm blocks my escape as he removed his belt. It slithers to the floor beside him. Cowering I feel him raise his weapon. Preparing for the pain, I feel it slash down. Biting through my thin, already shredded shirt. I see drops of my blood hit the floor before he grabs my throat and delivers a heavy punch to the jaw. He leans close to my ear and whispers the same thing he does every day; "No son of mine" before letting me slump to the floor. 

His heavy bear-like footsteps fade as he stumbles to the couch where he sleeps off his drunkenness.

I evaluate my state, I can walk. I head up to my room and see the gashes on my back and shoulders, adding to previous scars and the deep bruise forming on my jaw. I wish I had someone to wrap me up and tell me it would be okay. I wished for a friend.

I always wake up early as I know either way he'll intercept me and that's part one of the day. I still have to get through the bullies at school. I pull my hoodie over my injuries after attempting to clean them a little, grab my school bag and dart out of the house in case he catches me again.
On the way to school, I acknowledge that today had been pretty bad, usually, he just beats me a bit in my stomach in the morning. He only uses the belt if I haven't been 'obedient'. 

As I approach the school gate I think, maybe, just maybe I'll be okay. That can leave me one day.

Maybe.

The flicker of hope fades as I see them appear in the corner of my eye. My heart plummets to my stomach as he approaches. The reason I can't trust. Ryan.
"Oi fag, you didn't think we forgot about you did you" he laughs as he sees all hope fade from my eyes. He grabs my bag and empties it on the floor, I feel my eyes start to water. He hasn't even hurt me yet. I'm pathetic. 
Ryan approaches and punches me in the stomach, I reel in pain and receive another punch to my face. I hear him laugh to his friends and he reaches to grab my shoulder. Shit I think, I remember the gash left there, a symbol written in blood as proof of my fathers love.  He didn't even grab me hard. I cried out in pain, I see his mates laugh.

But he doesn't.

I take that moment to scramble away with my pitiful belongings and leave him with a strange look on his face. 

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Authors note:
*heyyy it's the first chapter it's gonna develop I promise haha, comment and voteeee*
Also, It's the first thing I've written on here so... I hope I've got some sort of beginners luck and this isn't too bad- new chap coming soon.