Vulnerable

Two- Rye

My alarm wakes me up at a comfortable 8 am, the same every morning. I roll out of bed and shower and wash my hair, another day of pretending to hate Andy. Another day of disappointing my parents with poor grades. Basically being a disappointment, I draw water over my scarred arms. Not today I think. 
Not yet.
I dry myself and dress comfortably before heading downstairs to greet my family. I love my family to pieces, my older brother Robbie, two younger twin brothers Sammie and Shawn. of course my two loving parents. They all love me, but there's something I see when I tell my father about my achievements that shows me that I am not what he wants. I wish I was someone that he could be proud of.                 

Mum hands me a plate with some toast on, which I accept gratefully. Honestly, I have no idea where I would be without her. she smiles at me and puts her hand gently around my wrist knowingly. when I don't flinch she smiles happily at me. I see her pride and I return the smile.

"Right I have to go," I say giving my younger brothers a hug before grabbing my backpack and heading out. "Can't be late for the boys and.. him" I mutter under my breath as I head out of the house. as I walk down the pavement I am joined my three best friends; Mikey, Jack, and Sonny.

"You alright mate" Jack looks at me, concerned. I always feel bad about bringing Jack into this group of friends. He is far too nice to get caught up in what we do. Just another thing I can blame myself for.

"Yeah, I'm good thanks Jack" I lie, getting him off my back is what I need right now. Jack is tall, has brown hair, an amazing sense of humor and is one of the kindest souls you could ever meet. Sonny has tight dark curls clustered on his head, is very tall and strives to be the biggest 'big man' our school has ever seen. He is in charge of this group. Mickey also has a nest of curls, looser and lighter than Sonny though, and is preparing for a move away in a few weeks. I will definitely miss him.

Being a part of this friendship group means nobody can touch you, but all the girls want to. however, in order to gain all of the benefits you have to ditch the oldest and dearest friend and turn on them. Andy was that friend.

I had known Andy all my life, our mums were the greatest of friends, that is, until the accident. the car crash that sent Andy's Mum to the hospital in critical condition two years ago. she fell into a heavy and deep coma. I'm not sure if life support is still on. As it was not that long after the Accident that I met Sonny.

So I started to hang out with him, I liked the powerful feeling and popular feeling that Sonny's group brought me. so I stayed, and when he offered me the chance to stay permanently I was prepared to do almost anything. So I accepted the offer.

I also knew Andy's secret. I used it to get into the group. I used it to make the biggest mistake of my life. I outed him as gay to the entire school, while he was still by his Mother's bedside. That meant he had to come out to his Dad and also meant he faced day after day of hell here in school. At my hands. I lost him as my tutor, obviously. So my grades slipped.

So I started taking it out on myself...

"RYE, it's here" Sonny chortled at me. I sighed, I knew he was talking about Andy. I was pulled from my thoughts and looked at the figure walking into school.  I saw him look around, showing a little hope. When he met my eyes I saw that fade and it crushed me. I knew what I had to do. I didn't want to end up like him.

"Oi fag, you didn't think we forgot about you did you?" I force out a laugh to the boys behind me before grabbing his worn bag and emptying its contents out onto the floor. If he dosesn't cry I can leave him alone, but I see his eves water under his dark hood. I feel miserable about what I have to do next.

I walk closer to him and punch him in the stomach, he crumples and I deliver another to his face. It kills me.

since I left him for Sonny's group I have nobody else. I need Sonny's favor. I turn and laugh to the boys to pretend I am enjoying it, I see Jack looking away, miserable. I know he does things for the same reason as me.

I turn and reach to grab his shoulder, not hard, just enough so I can show the boys the damage done. He cries in pain, I look at him confused, I didn't apply any pressure. He scrambles out from beneath me and darts away. I turn my hand around and see blood from where I held his shoulder.

"Hey, you let him get away" Sonny yells, a hint of irritation in his voice.

"He'd had enough" Jack retorts suddenly, seeing the anger flash in Sonny's eyes as Sonny looms above him, he quickly adds "we have to space out the fun, can't wreck him all at once". I see the sadness in Jacks eyes as he says this, but Sonny seems happy with his response.

"well... get a move on guys, people to see and all" Sonny commands as he walks off with Mikey laughing at his side.