Vulnerable

Fourteen- Rye

"I love you too Andy, more than you know"

He may think I said those words because I was overtired and not thinking clearly. But when I said those words in retort to Andy's adorable little speech. I. Meant. Every. Syllable. Admitting it out loud felt like a sheen of dust had been wiped away. I could see clearly once again. I truly loved him with the entirety of my being. I carefully reached my arm around his waist to make it look like an accident and pulled him close to me. I felt the slight flutter in the steady beat of his heart, as my arm draped around his chest. I felt his warmth and his soft hair tickle the inside of my arm as he snuggled into the crook of my arm. I knew he was asleep as I heard the small, regular breaths that left his mouth. so cute.

Standing up to my Father meant that I had the confidence to be my own man. I didn't have to listen to my father, the entire rest of my family would still love me. That's all that mattered besides him. Besides Andy. That moment gave me clarity, bloody hell I had heard it often enough, love is love and we should live our lives and love our loved ones because we can. I wish my father could see from that perspective, Andy makes me so very, very happy. Andy is the reason I no longer feel like I need to cut to release stress or to combat my emotional pain. He makes me feel like I am worthy of success, and, well... love. But I know that my father will never change his ideals. I will have to be careful in the house with him. Gods above know what he would do if he really saw us.

We slept, in the same bed. I say we slept knowing full well I didn't really sleep. We just cuddled. Each time one of us would get closer the other would act like they didn't notice, before later getting a little closer themselves. Despite the hours not being whisked away by the emptiness of sleep, the alarm for school went off before I wanted it to. I grumbled in my drowsy sleepiness, I groped over the small body to try to slam it off for another five or ten minutes, I didn't want to leave this warm embrace. I didn't want to leave this moment, to be honest here was if I was asked, my picture of pure happiness. At this moment in time, I couldn't ask for more. Except for that damn alarm to just piss off for another few hours!!

I feel the small body, who had acquired the place of the little spoon, wriggle under me in confusion before realizing and turning his pretty head up to look at me. His eyes, there's seven seas of distance and depth in there. They're full of kindness and curiosity, creativity and love. I ask myself again the question that had crossed my mind several times last night... how could I have hated him. I saw the bruises that littered his face and felt a surge of love. He needs to be protected from that man. That man needs to go to jail.

He mumbled to me, in a raspy morning voice.
"We need to get up, I know it's nerdy but I do need to go to school. It's my ticket out of this town."

God, he is adorable. I knew he would want to go, he cares about his future. Now I understood why. He needs a good set of grades as a ticket out of the hellhole he lives in. Well... needed. His father is awaiting trial at the station for child abuse among other charges. I wanted to kill that man.

Thinking of fathers I remembered my Dads warning. I could be homeless if my dad caught Andy and I. The feeling of security in the bed dissipated as reality set in. I was afraid of the consequences I could face for being gay. Now I knew what they were, and they frightened me even more. I looked at Andy who was still waiting for a reply, but when we locked eyes Andy knew something was wrong.

"Talk to me Ryan, a problem shared is a problem halved. Being there for you is the least I could do after being saved from hell by you!" He commanded and pleaded at the same time. I saw the care in his eyes and decided that maybe sharing my problem would help me.

"It's my father, you heard him. Andy... I'm afraid" I admitted, as soon as the words left my mouth I felt weak and vulnerable, I gave in to the fear and began to panic. Short of breath and red-faced. The fear was closing in. I felt very claustrophobic in my open room all of a sudden.

"Rye, listen to me, you need to breathe, ready. In. Out. In. Out." Andy immediately sprung into action, recognizing what was happening as a panic attack.

He put his small hand on my chest and I felt myself calming down as a breathed in the rhythm he wanted me to. I have no idea how someone can make me so nervous yet so calm at the same time.

Andy put his arms around me "Don't worry, because no matter what you still have family who will fight for you and love you... and you have me." He said that last bit quietly. We locked eyes and he bit his lip.

I looked him straight into the depths of his blue eyes and felt trapped, entranced by them. Slowly we drew closer to each other, it became automatic. Like magnets, we felt the need to be together. I looked down at his cute lips and he looked at mine, I snake my hand slowly and caressed the back of his head. Gently I directed him to me.

Our lips touched and I felt an electric jolt run through my body as I pushed my lips against his in deep lust. He immediately responded by moving himself on top of me and putting his hands around my neck. Greedily I licked his bottom lip, almost begging for entrance, which he allowed. There was no fight for dominance, he allowed me to roam his mouth. He tasted of the sweet fields in the summertime, fresh and homely. Unfortunately, we had to break the kiss for the need for oxygen, that allowed Andy time to remember that actually, we do have somewhere to be. He grinned as I tried to kiss him again, denying, he rolled off me and out of the bed. I grabbed his hand, I didn't realize how desperate I was for his taste. Pulling his hand I tried to draw him back to me, he simply smiled and pulled me out of bed. With a thump I hit the floor, I mumbled and grumbled as a pulled myself up. Feeling the bruises that were slowly healing on my body.

"Get dressed, come on Rye, no I'm serious" he giggled as I tried to pull him to me again.

"Here," he said as he firmly threw a shirt into my chest, he then preceded to leave my room calling, " meet you by your car" as he rushed through my home. I could tell he was anxious not to disturb my judgemental father.

Hurriedly I slipped into a hoodie and jeans before following him out to my car. I saw him sitting on the bonnet with a smirk, I looked him into the eyes as I approached him, sliding my leg in between his. The smirk vanished. Replaced by a look of desire. I knew why he was smirking. He knew I wanted him, time to even the playing field.

"Who's smirking now" I whispered into his ear as he saw his 'little problem'. He grumbled at me, pink with embarrassment before sliding into the passenger seat. I laughed before joining him as we traveled to school.

As I drove I realized we were about to enter a whole new world of intolerance and little acceptance that people could be different.

I pulled up in my usual space, close to the gates and people were already starting to notice I was not alone in my car. Without looking at Andy I got out of my car and went over to meet Jack and Mickey. This was a very different and alive fear, the fear of the unknown.

I knew what would happen if I was shown to be gay. First, it'd be namecalling and rumors. Then the teachers would find out and I would lose my place on the Football team. I was co-captain with Sonny and I loved it. I would lose my friends, I do not know what the rumors would be. But I knew that there was no way that I could face all the name-calling.

I felt a small presence next to me and saw Andy. The boys smiled at him and started talking. I couldn't though, I couldn't be seen with him. I couldn't be branded as a 'fag' I walked away as fast as I could. I knew how much it would hurt him. I cared, of course, I did. But I couldn't... not yet.

I know it is considered childish to run away from your fears, but I couldn't help it. It's what I am used to. He doesn't deserve to be messed about by my fear and selfishness. Too many people have seen us together anyways, too many have read the news and heard that I was the one who happened to pop by and save him. I can't do this...

So I ran away from him.

If I knew what was going to happen as a result of that, I would never have left his side...

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So my dudes, I really hope that you are enjoying the story so far x
Drop a like and a comment and enjoy the new chapter x
Till' next time,
B x