Vulnerable

Six- Rye

I heard his screams as we left him in the locker, they ripped through me, a red hot knife through my soul. I couldn't take this anymore, I knew I was in love with the small boy locked in that locker. I ran, I ran away from the boys, away from Andy, but I couldn't escape the guilt or the screams of fear that ripped through my body.

I felt myself start to sweat and begin to struggle for breath but I didn't slow down. I kept running from the monster that was my own guilt. The monster I had created by hurting the one I loved. The one who had once trusted me.

Eventually, I had stopped, I tasted the salt of my tears enter my mouth and felt them pour from my eyes. I looked back over the two years and asked myself how could I have ever done that to him. I realized. then, what a huge mistake I had made, I love him.

I pulled out my phone and messaged the group chat I was in with Sonny, Rye, Mikey, Jack and a guy called Harvey who seems to have Sonny wrapped around his finger.

Me - hey guys I was wondering, what is everyone's opinion on same-sex relationships. Ya know, being Gay or bi and all that?

Harvey- no, not ever would I be friends with one of them.

Sonny- IDK, but whatever Harvey says, so... you got your answer there.

Then nobody responds. Sometimes I feel bad for Sonny, Harvey must have some pretty bad shit to use against him if he is that submissive. He is a really scary dude. Then I receive a couple of Dm's from the chat with just myself, Jack and Mikey in.

Jack- Dude for me, being gay is okay, if this is about what I think then dw, you are still you! x x

Mikey- Hey I know I act up to Sonny and Harvey but tbh I 100% agree with J x I'm not blind, I see the way you and Andy literally look into each other's souls! One day you'll have to stand up for him and we will be by your side as soon as you make that choice!

Me- Guys, you don't know how much that means ty xx is it that obvs really??

Mikey- yup haha

Jack- sooo obvs haha

I put my phone down and felt a little more confident in the answers I had received. I had to see what my parents thought as well. Because if they are not okay with that sort of thing I don't know if I will ever be able to make them proud.

I wiped my salty tears into my jumper and felt they mingle with the sweat that had poured from my head a few moments before, I didn't know why I was so nervous. After all, they wouldn't know I was talking about myself. They would think I was just curious... wouldn't they?

I stepped over the threshold of my house, and for the first time ever it felt... different. Maybe I was feeling things because I felt different. But the home I had left this morning I was not waking back into, but feeling like an intruder to the house.

"Mum, hey I'm home" I yell as I stepped into the house.

"Rye, sweetie hey. Honey you look a little pale are you okay?" She looked at me a little concern etched into the deep brown of her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm great. Where is everyone?" I ask, as I realised that I have not been greeted by the twins usual bear hugs.

"They will be back in ten minutes or so honey, they just went to the pool. But honey, how are you doing with, you know..." she didn't have to say what she was talking about. I knew that if I found out my family was okay with the whole 'gay' or 'bi' or whatever the hell I was then my wrists would be okay. They may even start to heal properly. But if they were not okay with it, then they may not ever be okay again.
So I trudged upstairs and sat on my bed, thinking about what I was to tell my family.

Before I knew it I heard the raucousness of the return of the rest of my family. Their footsteps and noise gradually fell quieter as they all headed for the lounge.
This was my chance.

I walked into the room quietly and sad on the arm of the sofa my older brother Robbie was sprawled out over, the twins saw me and squealed as they threw themselves on me. I laughed and sat on the floor with them. The room fell silent so I decided to ask.

"So there's this kid at school, and he is openly gay and people pick on him for it" I announce, feeling a pang of guilt, knowing I'm talking about myself. "And I was thinking, what do you think about the idea of being gay or bi or..."

My mother and Robbie instantly reassure me that it's natural and normal and okay. And added on their disgust at people being unable to accept people for who they are. But my father remained silent.

A loud cough interrupted the chatter of acceptance as my Father prepared his piece.

"I am okay with OTHER families having gay members and with the open existence, but we are Beaumonts, we know better than all the claptrap. So I hope you'll all find lovely women to settle down with."

I wanted to cry, not calm or quietly, but loud ugly crying.
I excused myself with the excuse of needing a shower and ran to my room. I jumped into the shower and looked down at myself. A disappointment.

I picked up the razor. "Only three" I muttered under my breath. I deserve the pain. How can I be good enough when my father can not approve. I don't know how long I was in the shower. But it was long enough for the shower to run red with the blood of the guilty.

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Hey guys, I have another chapter for ya'll today. Thank you so much for everyone who is voting and reading and commenting. I'm having difficulty reading comments because I'm away atm but I will reply as soon as I get home. As usual
Till' next time
B xx