Vulnerable

Three- Andy

As I rushed away, I look back only once before I scrambled to make my escape. I rushed to the safe place, the library, the calm and quiet always soothed me. this was the only place, apart from by the bedside of my there-but-not-there mother that I felt safe.

I picked out the novel I had been reading from the library shelves as part of the assigned reading. I curled up on one of the small sofas in the reading corner and let myself slip into a different world. A world without pain, a world where I could imagine myself loved, with a friend. a world where Rye had not felt the need to leave me, or where someone stepped in once to protect me. A place where I could sing, play my guitar to my Father and him look at me with love.

the bell went, it ripped the dream away as I was forced to scurry to the next lesson. I prayed the rest of the day would be uneventful. I crept to the back of the first class, I received the normal stares and homophobic slurs as I silently made my way to the back of the class.

I hated it here.

it's not that I found the work challenging, which I was grateful for, it was the people. they were ignorant and unable to accept that I was different. but that does not make me weird. I want to fit in. but I know I cannot.

I managed to get through the first two lessons without something happening. when the bell chimed for break time, however, I felt fear as it crept into my chest. I dashed through the halls and into the library.

I sighed, I was safe, Sonny and his brutes wouldn't be able to hurt me in here. as long as I stayed here I was safe.

I crept back into my elaborate pretend world. I added an alive, well mother into it. who hugged me at the end of each day. she reassured me that I was perfect as I was, I wasn't fat. but most of all that I was loved. I could talk to her about my week, and instead of laying there, unmoving and unresponsive she responded. she could hug me and we could be a normal family, with a normal life and normal relationships.

normal.

but that was and always will be an impossible notion.

the second bell chimed, it signaled the end of break and I tried to get into my next class without meeting Sonny or Rye or Mikey. Jack pretended I wasn't there, which I appreciated. I almost managed to get there. almost.

I saw a tall, muscular frame block my way and I looked up into the deep chocolate beautiful eyes of Rye. beautiful... no. definitely no. before I was able to properly register two hands from behind dragged me into the locker room. I saw Rye walk off down the corridor. I resigned myself to what lay ahead.

I was pinned to the wall by two hands, and I felt the blinding pain of punches that rained down on me, that left pools of blood, not water. held firmly with no way to escape I had to endure the storm. I could feel myself fading from consciousness. before the dark, pain-filled sleep engulfed me I felt myself crumple to the floor.

blearily my eyes blinked my back into the world, I felt the crushing pain drape over my body, I felt like I was covered in a blanket of concrete preventing me from rising. I took a long time to adjust before dragging myself to the sinks in the corner of the locker. I used the paper towels to clean myself up the best that I could before looking ay the cracked face of my watch and saw that I had missed an entire lesson. I must have been out longer than usual.

I stand, feeling a burning pain rush through me and tentatively I start to walk, hearing the bell I manage to hobble into the last lesson of the day before the rest of my class walk in. I cower in pain in the seat near the back which attracted worried looks from the teacher. At the end of the lesson, I waited until everyone else had left before I tried to sneak past the teacher.

"Andy, can I talk to you for a minute please" Miss White asked. I sat on the desk in from of hers and waited for the same old 'support' that she tried to offer me.

"I know you won't tell me who does this to you, honey," she says softly locking eyes with me, I can see the genuine care in her eyes. the kind of care I wished my father would show. I couldn't help tear up. she swiftly wrapped me up into her arms and gently patted me as I cried silently into her shoulder.

"I am here if you need it Andy, anytime. I mean it. If it's at home or in school that this occurs, you can come here, it's okay" she comforted me. I felt touched, nobody had been like this since the... accident.

I nodded and slowly walked out of her room, ready to go back into the hell I called home.

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a/n

thanks for reading so far, I promise it will not always be this brutal. but I am sort of using this novel to show that even the brightest of smiles hide the saddest secrets. so, the next time one of your friends feels down, just give them a hug and tell them they are not alone,

till' next time

(i am very impatient so that will probably be soonish too xx)