Converting to Islam

Chapter 11

The tears won’t stop falling down my eyes. I am lost, suffocated. How I long for someone to love me and take my hand through all this. In the middle of the living room I lie, powerlessly drowning in my tears: tears for how unfortunate I am. Tears for being so alone.

I want to scream and shout at him for leaving me like this. He didn’t even bother helping me up; he just walked outside the house to who knows where, indifferent to my sufferings. I am almost certain he could hear the sniffing and groaning noises that I made while crying - but what does he care.

When will this stop? When will I escape? When I think of the future all I see is a black hole - nothing. I see no hope. 

I am crazy aren’t I? What is wrong with me? I can never be happy; I will always live depressed for the rest of my life, unable to cure myself. There is nothing I can do. Hopelessly I crawl towards my bag lying a meter away from me on the ground. I fish out the translated Quran, and begin to read.

In the name of god the Beneficent, the Merciful
I swear by the sky and the night comer!
And what will make you know what the night comer is?
It is the bright star piercing the night,
And there is no soul without a guardian over it.
So let man consider what he is created from.

"Oh God" I turn upwards and beg to Him, "You see all that he does, all the pain he inflicted on me. Please help me!"

***

Of course I’m not going to let this go.

He breaks something that’s mine; I break something that’s his. In fact, I’ll piss him off so much that he’ll be running away from me so that no matter how much my father pleads he’ll refuse to accept.

Water drips from my hair as I step out of the shower with a towel wrapped around me. I had to clean off some of the blood, for I had gotten cuts all over me.

I’m not going to give up this easily though. 

I ponder what Tyler likes the most: something that is precious and valuable to him so I can break it into pieces. I know…

His face.

Yes: it’s perfect. Tyler is in love with his face, always admiring himself in the mirror till no end. That’s the reason why he’s always late in the mornings. Hs face is something amazingly valuable to him; and I know exactly how to devastate it.

I sit for hours in my room, waiting for the moment that Tyler will finally come home. I begin to become weak with lack of sleep. It is at 11pm exactly when I am about to doze off when I hear the door click open and the sound of footsteps.

He’s here! I press my ear to the door and hear him walk to his room and shut the door with a bang. All I have to do now is wait till he’s asleep.

After half an hour of waiting, I am convinced he is asleep, and I start to take action to my plan. On my tip toes I steadily exit my room and open the door to Tyler’s, taking extra care to make sure the door does not squeak. I peer inside the dark room to see Tyler’s body (which is still dressed in the jeans and shirt he was wearing today) lying across his bed. Carefully, I reach inside my pocket for my weapon - a permanent marker.