Twisted immortality

XI - Relationships

As the time with his friends continued, Songkarn discovered that Jame had been uncharacteristically silent for a long time already. At one point Jame went outside to smoke and Songkarn followed. They sat together on the seats at the restaurant terrace. Songkarn waited for his friend to start talking. As much as he knew, Jame had always been fearless and daring with his friends. After the school though when he started working, he started acting differently, not like himself at all. From some time now, Jame seemed repressed. That's why Songkarn felt it was necessary to give him more attention than usual. Usually, he didn't need it that much.

Lucas was almost like a mentor and older brother in their group of friends. Songkarn had a role as someone who always lent a helping hand. When any of them had problems, they always turned to him. What hadn't he done for these guys? As they had been there for him through almost everything. They had helped him move, to pick him up after his mother threw him out of the apartment and made Songkard feel safe enough that he could stand up on his own again. Songkarn had lived through so much with them, that's why he knew exactly how Jame was. So he sat quietly and waited for him to start talking.

"Songkarn... You know I've always known what I want. It sometimes coincided with my parent's wishes too but I've been totally happy with my father's contribution and the way he's been involved in my life. I don't blame him because I'm not as clever or as brave as I should be. So..." He really couldn't get the words out easily.

Songkarn wondered, what could be making him so careful in front of his best friend.

"I started liking somebody... But I'm afraid of what everyone's gonna think, what my family is going to say." Songkarn's first reaction would have been to laugh at it. How could Jame believe that they wouldn't approve or accept his choice of partner? But Jame was still too serious to crack a joke. What exactly could be wrong with his choice of partner?

"I think that's great. What's the problem? Why would you think that nobody will like the person you love?"

"Because it's him."

Songkarn had only a second of confused thoughts before he understood what Jame meant. "Aah."

Jame looked too downcast to leave the talk only with the confession part. Songkarn had to choose his next words carefully. Still, there goes nothing.

"Well. There sure is only one way to say it. When we didn't go the same way in business we sure walk the same road in love." Songkarn smiled as he avoided eye contact with Jame.

It took some time before Jame opened his mouth to ask, "What do you mean? You... You're not gay? Are you?"

Songkarn looked at his hands and thought about Henry. How the thought would have been an impossibility only a few weeks back. "I don't know whether I am. I wasn't before. And I sure didn't plan it. But it looks like I might be one."

Jame had a confused expression on his face so Songkarn continued, "I didn't start liking all men, who walk around me. I just fell in love with one. It's happened so recently that I had no plans on talking about it to you guys, yet. Don't misunderstand. I feel no shame. I'm rather happy that I'm able to love someone. I thought I wasn't able to, for a long time. You guys are the closest thing to a relationship for me, and I've never felt attracted to any of you."

Jame looked like he got hit by something, but then he smiled. As if somebody had told him to take a gulp of air when he had been holding his breath for so long. Being afraid of people judging you and discriminating based on a difference they don't understand was always a burden for whomever.

"I'm not sure about the others, in a way, that I don't know how they will think about our partners, about both of us being in a gay relationship but they are our friends. I never felt that there would be anything to feel nervous about. There can't be. Would you have pushed me away, discovering that I have a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend?"