Twisted immortality

XXV - Let's Get Married

All breathless and scared, Songkarn stood afraid thinking of what he would have to do, to convince Anurak. He waited for Anurak to answer him. Well at least to lose that deer facing the headlights look and answer him in any coherent way possible.

Why was it such a hard decision? Why would it be shocking to him? Or didn't he want us to get married? A small inferior complex caught up to him. Thankfully Songkarn had a lot of experience with those. He shook it off almost as quickly as the thought found its way into his mind.

"Songkarn.." He looked shocked beyond reason. Somehow the way he finally walked to the armchair seemed not just hard for him, but also painful in a way. Anurak was stepping as if all the muscles he usually used were tight and making him feel pain. Could such shock do this to him? Songkarn wanted to step towards him, but the sudden shake of Anurak's head made him stop. Also, the silence, though only a few seconds long, was painful and made him scared of everything.

"Songkarn." Anurak started again. "You can't be serious. This is not a normal time to ask someone to marry you."

"Why not?" Songkarn fought with himself. He felt deep down that if he pressures him in a wrong way Anurak would end their relationship in a second. He would take away the chance to spend the last months together. Not to talk about... the end, it would never occur.

"Why isn't this a normal time and why isn't it reasonable for you to propose marriage? Are you dumb or are you pathetic?" It seemed that he was going out of his way to make Songkarn step back from his reasoning.

"Well... let's be honest. I've never been trying to sell you the idea that I'm normal. We can't even talk about you, your identity or your curse. Still, it's true. Me, falling in love with you. It can't possibly be normal and maybe it isn't meant to be. Something deep inside me had to be reflected by you. Something about me... Maybe my soul? Somehow, someway we are supposed to be together. Am I the only one thinking that?"

"No, it's not that. But isn't the timing and the reasoning awfully wrong? Only some time ago you were angry with me. Not unreasonably, but still. I don't want our marriage to be a make-up-kid like normal people do after a fight."

"What are you talking about Anurak?" Songkarn could understand the reasoning of Anurak, but it seemed like he would grasp at strings as tender as a spiderweb and with desperation, you could rarely see from him.

"I'm talking about people who get into a fight, make up and then with great joy they have a kid!" He looked desperate to get his point across to Songkarn.

"You don't have to tell me about the techniques of making up with someone. I'm saying that we have not even gotten to the make up sex yet and you are already planting this useless reference into our relationship." Songkarn had to repress his laughter. He knew it was unfair to tease Anurak. But how can a gay man bring up this kind of example from a hetero couple relationship to show the unreasonableness of Songkarn's proposal? For him, it made almost no sense.

"First of all, anyone who has doubts about their relationship because of one fight is not serious about their so-called feelings for their partner. Relationships break easily only if they don't work from the beginning." Songkarn took a second to think about what he would have to say to this perfect human who was also, scared out of his wits.

"Anurak. I did not ask you to marry me to make up. I did not plan to come back to make up by asking you to marry me. Not even before I was attacked, did I think like that. I was planning to torture you by not talking to you." Songkarn sighed deeply. "I wanted to come back to you to make you come to your senses. To make you understand that you are nobody without me. You are not supposed to live longer without me."