I'm into Insomniacs (discontinued)

Nobody Wins

 "Paz, I had no idea you felt that way..." Her eyes darted away from me, a look of mild discomfort plastered on her features.

"Well... It shouldn't be too hard figuring it out." Pacifica retorted with a strained expression. Her bottom lip curled inwards, her chin pruning up just slightly as she scowled at the ground. "It's not like you're blind. It's not like you can't tell when I'm hurt. And- and it's not like you don't have the common sense to know when something could hurt me!"

I stood there, wincing all the while. I had no idea how to confront that. How to apologies. I was ignorant. Foolish. Of course she'd get tired of it eventually. Of course she'd lose her steam and give up on me. It was only a matter of time.

My mouth opened, only to shut again. I wasn't sure words would be enough of an apology. And they probably wouldn't be.

"Paz..." I began, cupping my hand to her cheek. Surprisingly, she didn't resist, only becoming cold as I rubbed away one of her tears.

"I-... I never intended on hurting you..." My head ducked down, lowering myself so we'd be face to face with each other. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"Then why did you?" She shot back simply, though her cheek seemed to press more firmly against my palm now. I melted slightly at the touch, though remaining painfully aware of her hostile tone.

"I wasn't thinking. I didn't think they would hurt you. I never planned on you getting involved." I took a chance and moved in closer, my left arm now strapped around her upper back in a sort of hug.

She continued to stand still, ignoring my affection as best she could.

"You can't just not think. You of all people would never not think." Which was completely wrong. I had done so much 'not thinking' in my life it was a wonder I had even survived. But she didn't know that. She still thought I was good. And she was in no mood to be corrected.

"I'm sorry." I responded, completely lost as to what I could say and what she wanted to hear. There didn't seem to be anything I could say to her at the moment.

And yet, hearing the words spoken with honesty, I saw the smallest bit of hope pass over her features before calming down.

She came closer to my face, eyes narrowed and cattish as she viewed me.

"...Not this time." Her words seemed hurt, pained as she forced the statement out of her. It must have been hard, refusing to accept my sincerity. It hurt me, too. Because I began to understand what she was getting at.

"I'm not going to keep doing this..." Her throat tightened, eyes red as her statement sank in. She was letting me go, and asking that I do the same.

Metaphorically, yes. But, physically I felt my arm tighten around her. She didn't protest, even moving in closer to allow herself one last act of intimacy.

"Then-" I hardened my heart, knowing this was what she wanted. "I really am sorry..." It wasn't meant to plead for her to stay. It wasn't meant to guilt trip her. Simply a parting gift. Something she could take with her, knowing that I had admitted to being wrong.

With that, we kissed. A small, chaste kiss meant to say 'goodbye'. Goodbye to your beautiful smile. Goodbye to your understanding. Goodbye to every moment we could have spent together. Goodbye forever.

I felt a rush of butterflies in my stomach, acknowledging the wonderful simplicity of this one. Nothing fast or sloppy. Full of lust or alternative motives. With hands sliding where even they wanted to.

It was soft. Intimate. Chaste. Innocent. How much I hated only having one. I could have sat there, our lips pressed together all day, if it weren't for the cup of soda dumped on us both.

We broke apart instantly, looking at each other as the beverage soaked into our clothes. Our heads snapped in the direction of where the liquid came from, only for the blood to drain from our faces.

Candy.

"Dipper." Her teeth were ground together, forcing her to remain calm and keep from strangling me in public.

"We're going home." Her empty cup was crushed between her finger tips, a gift bag filled with little souvenirs hooked around her arm. I stood there, both shocked and afraid as her Coke continued to seep into the nimble threading of my white sweater. I looked to Pacifica, her expression possibly more afraid than mine. Her mouth remained open, eyes blown wide as Candy's arrival sent an electric shock through her.

We had completely forgotten about her.

"No! This- this isn't what it looks like-!" Pacifica began, only for Candy to cut in.

"I assume you have the money for a cab?" There was no way in Hell Candy wanted her riding home with us.

Pacifica froze for a moment, her explanation clinging to the tip of her tongue as she stared. Her head slowly nodded, understanding what Candy wanted from her. A small glance in her direction, a sorrowful expression plastered on both of our faces. This was going even worse than before.

"Good!" Candy shot, hooking her arm around my own with a vengeful grip. She ripped me away, dragging me out of the zoo, into her limo. And I was sure, even as Candy silently seethed and burned with hatred and rage, that I had fucked up royally.