I'm into Insomniacs (discontinued)

Man or Woman

Dipper stood there, watching as Wendy made her way down the road, wishing he could take a head count of everyone in the bar. 

He felt an arm link with his, cautious not to startle him. 

"I'm sure everyone's okay..." Pacifica reassured him with a soothing tone. Dipper was slow to slide his right arm behind his back, out of her view. 

"...Yeah... Maybe." He stayed silent afterwards, watching as Wendy's black hoodie disappear. Pacifica's arm tightened around his.  

"Dipper." Her tone became stern, looking up at him. His eyes drifted down to her, reluctant to tear them away. 

"Everyone's okay, Dipper." Her brows lowered as she pulled a solemn look. But, soon after the words passed her lips, a glowing smile enveloped her. 

"So, don't worry." Her shining braces beamed at him, nudging him with her shoulder as they turned from the building.  

"Where are we going?" Dipper asked, feeling her tug him along.  

"Well, you're going home. I need to prepare for my shift in an hour... Geez, has it really only been a day?" Pacifica put her finger tips to her mouth, staring off into space as she thought it over.  

"Yeah, it has." Dipper responded simply. He just couldn't get his mind off the bar. He needed to check it out, but knew Wendy would be against it.

"Doesn't feel like it..." She continued, noticing his blank gaze stare numbingly out before them.

"So, anyways... What did you tell Gideon? To get rid of the birds?" Dipper instantly snapped out of it, his eyes darting towards her. He made sure for the millionth time that his arm was out of view from her.

"Why do you ask? Did Gideon-?!" Pacifica cut him off quickly, hearing his anxious tone.

"Oh, no! He didn't say anything! I'm just- curious, you know?" Her face grew red, feeling invasive. But, she couldn't seem to help herself. 

Dipper relaxed slightly, sure she was telling the truth. He hated the idea of exposing himself again, and knew there was no way he'd actually give her the full story. But, telling her to buzz off somehow seemed wrong as well. 

He thought for a moment, trying to design some kind of fake secret. Or real secret. Or excuse. Something to tell her in place of what he had really said. Something that wasn't too crazy, but still made sense as a secret. Something people had to build up the courage to admit. Something he didn't mind her seeing him as. 

Within a second of thinking, he pulled from him one of the few bits of information he could offer her. 

"I... I told him I'm not straight." Dipper let out awkwardly, his cheeks glowing red. It wasn't a lie, but it definitely wasn't a secret, either. Anyone who had seen him intoxicated knew that much. 

Dipper jumped slightly, seeing Pacifica's eyes blown wide as she gawked at him.

"YOU'RE GAY?!" Pacifica bellowed in shock, both hands going to her head as her mouth dropped open. Dipper flinched at her accusation, his shoulders bunching up as he went.

"Oh, nononononononono! I'm-! No! It's- It's- Well, uh- I-I still like girls! I just-... Don't just like girls..." He cleared his throat, silence falling over them.

"Oh..." Pacifica let out dumbly, her arms going to her sides. Dipper stole a glance at her, her mouth set in a straight line, eyes shot out ahead and dilated. He noticed a tint of red on her cheeks, possibly embarrassed by her outburst. Groaning in him mind, he thought, 'This is so awkward...'

He heard a snicker. Turning to Pacifica, she had a hand over her mouth as she giggled. Soon, the giggles turned into a stream of laughter, her arms wrapping around her sides as she went.

"I- Haha! I'm sorry! It's just- I was so nervous for a second- Hahaha! I thought-" She stopped for a moment, trying to control herself as she continued.

"I thought you might have thought I was a guy or something! I just- Ha!" She looked away from him, wiping a tear as another wave of giggles overtook her.

Soon, Dipper found himself joining her, his face now bright red as he did so.

"A guy?! Why would I ever think that?!" He burst out with, his shoulders bouncing happily.

"W-well, you kissed me, dumb dumb! What was I supposed to think?! If you liked guys, why'd you kiss me?!" Her hand slapped his shoulder as he laughed at her, their chuckles intermingling.

"Oh, of course! Skirt! Bedazzled jacket! Fucking breasts! Must be a DUDE!"

"EXACTLY!" She agreed vigorously, ignoring the glances they received while on the street.

"Well, even if I was gay-" Dipper joked between laughs, his hand grabbing onto hers. "I'd still be straight for you."

They burst into laughter again.

"Woah!" Pacifica's eyes suddenly shot open, bouncing on her heels as she went on. "So you've, like, done things-" She wiggled her eyebrows, Dipper quickly breaking her sentence with a laugh.

"Shut up!" He pushed at her shoulder, laughing as she went on beaming. It seemed amazingly funny all of the sudden, every time he had slept with someone. Man or woman.

Usually, those memories were incredibly dark. Not sensual. Not to him, at least. Thinking about it made him very upset on most days. The way he crept over to someone or lied below them. It was all very depressing.

It made him feel dirty, the way his skin crawled with the touch of a thousand strangers. It had all been part of the game. How he searched for fake love to keep himself going the next morning. How it was supposed to make him feel valued or wanted.

How all it really did was make him a whore. At least in his own mind.

He continued his laughter, feeling them turn into soft giggles as his cheek muscles weakened. He hadn't lied to her a moment ago, about being straight for her. He chuckled again, thinking of the corniness of it all.

What a stupid thing to say. It wouldn't even sound good in a movie. But, it was true. He couldn't think of anyone, man or woman, that compared to her. No where in his past had he met anyone so happy. So bright. So... unlike him.

"What was Gideon's reaction?" Pacifica asked, her giggles soon dying away. Dipper decided to play with it.

"Like this:" He put his hands on his cheeks, a mock-expression of the iconic painting, 'Scream' evident on his features. His mouth fell open, eyes popping out playfully as an expression of surprise covered him.

"Ha! Yeah, he's a real dork with stuff like that. I hope that didn't offend you."

"Nope. Not at all." And, it wouldn't have. If anything he had said had really happened, it wouldn't have fazed him. Again, if any of that had actually happened. He hoped his little lie wouldn't come back to bite him in the ass.