Had.

Just a suggestion, but listen to hate to see your heart break by Paramore while reading.

Had.

I sat down at the old, decaying picnic table, the basic cream-coloured envelope grasped in the palm of my hand with an unusual amount of strength. The weather corresponded with my mood. Dreary. Gloomy.

The letter was from my best friend, Elijah, who had moved away before school started for no apparent reason at all. He just left town with his family and had not contacted me since.

That was three months ago.

But suddenly, I received this letter in the mail with his name on the back side of the envelope. Elijah L Brooks. We had been best friends since third grade and only recently stopped talking. I am 18 years old at the moment, which makes it 10 tremendous years we had been friends.

I stuck my thumb into the top of the slightly crinkled casing and slip it from one end to the other, successfully opening the letter. I glanced inside and saw folded pieces of what looks like A4 paper.

My heart started beating so fast it was as if I had just ran a marathon.

I hesitantly pulled the pages out of the sleeve and placed them on the chipped paint of the table. I really didn't want to get them dirty or ruined so I placed them down as gently as possible.

I turned the envelope over and saw that there was no return address, which I thought was weird.

I ignored that and tossed the paper casing on the table, completely disregarding it as if it didn't even exist and focused my attention on the letter I held in my trembling hands.

What was written on the paper? Why would he send this without a return address? Does he not want to keep in contact with me?

All these questions were running through my mind as I slowly started to unfold the letter with quivering fingers and set it flat down on the table.

The first thing I saw was Elijah's chicken-scratch like writing and I smiled to myself as I remembered when I would tease him about it.

Hi Harper,

I know what you're wondering; why did you send me this letter when we haven't talked in like, 3 months. Well, I will let you know at the end of this letter. And don't even try to skip to the end to figure it out, I know you so well I know that is exactly what you were going to do.

He knew me so well.

Anyways, do you remember when we first met? Well I do. You were wearing a pink dress with matching pink shoes and I was wearing blue shorts with a red t-shirt with a dinosaur on it. You were walking into ANZ Stadium while I was walking out and we bumped into each other.

I remembered that day vividly, as if it were yesterday. I even remembered the exact date. But why did he write to me just to tell me about the day we first met? I was really confused. 

You started to yell at me in that cute little 8-year-old voice of yours and I just sat there and laughed my head off. It was two days later when I started at a new school, which just so happened to be your school.

I remember that as well. He walked into the classroom and when everyone looked at him he started blushing. He was such a cute kid.

I remember walking up to you and asking if you were the girl that yelled at me on Saturday and you denied even recognising me. You just looked at me confused as hell and asked if you knew me. I, of course, said no, so you started pointing at me and yelling "STRANGER DANGER" over and over again.

I have no idea why I yelled stranger danger at him when he was literally my age, but I guess in my still developing brain I thought that was the best solution.

The next day, YOU came up to ME and asked if I wanted to be your friend. I, of course, said yes and that was how our beautiful friendship came to be.

Okay, so now to answer your undying question. Why am I taking the time to sit down and write this letter to you?

I have melanoma. Well, had if you are reading this. I found out on my 16th birthday and didn't tell you because I didn't want you to be scared. If you didn't know, melanoma is a type of skin disease, but is the worst one you can get.

Remember when I told you I wanted to get a buzz cut because it was too hot?

Yeah, it wasn't because it was too hot. My hair was falling out.

I thought back to before he moved and realised that he had stopped playing sports and he was always either sitting down or lying down when I went over to his house. And what does he mean by 'had'? Did he recover or did he ..

Don't think like that, of course he didn't, right? I thought desperately in my head, not wanting to think of never seeing him again.

My heartbeat picked up speed and I had a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I just wanted your friendship in the time I had left. I hope you don't hate me because I loved you with all my heart (like a sister, of course). Hopefully you can make it to the funeral, my mum should've put an invitation in here as well.

See you soon.

ELIJAH L BROOKS

By the time I finished reading, there were two small teardrops on the bottom of the now crinkled page and more were streaming down my face. Why didn't he tell me?

I looked at the second page and sure enough, it was a funeral invitation for Elijah.

My best friend had passed away and I have no idea what I am going to do.

I feel so guilty. I should have known.

I will miss you, Elijah.