Secret Rendezvous

Your Cheatin' Heart

I'm having dinner with a former playboy bunny tomorrow... eeek!

November 15, 1980

Brian
I absolutely refused to tell Freddie that Anita left. I didn't want him thinking that I couldn't hold a relationship for any time longer than a year or so- I felt like such a failure because I had broken off the engagement and Anita broke up with me... it felt like nobody loved me anymore and I had the feeling that I didn't deserve love.

"Daddy, can we play music again?" Faria asked, quietly, while she slowly pulled my hands away from my face- I just wanted to hide myself away forever, I just wanted to be alone. "I know you're sad that mummy's gone, but I'm really bored." She grunted while she crawled into my lap.

Faria was being a big girl about it all. She had always understood that relationships didn't last forever, and she knew she'd see Anita again- either in person or on the telly. Now it was feeling like she was creating a little plot in that mischievous mind of hers because she kept asking me if I could move back in with her, Freddie, and Jim.

"I want to play music again, please." She whined, pulling my hands away from my face. "Peek-a-boo!" She giggled and I couldn't help but laugh a bit. "Are you sad because mummy left?" She asked, quietly, when I pulled her into a tight hug.

"Very sad, yes." I sighed into her head of unruly curls and she hummed, like she was deep in thought about something. "What's going on in that brilliant little mind of yours, darling?" I closed my eyes and I held her tighter while she worked through her thoughts.

She was quiet for a long while, then she looked up at me and she smiled.

"Well, first I was thinkin' about why Tiff always licks her butt, but now I'm thinkin' maybe we can go and see baba because you're sad and he makes you happy." She suggested and I chuckled at the comment about the cat. "He always makes you smile." She wasn't wrong- even the thought of him made me smile.

"I think we should give baba and papa some time alone, okay? He's working very, very hard to grow your little brother so he needs to get some rest." I explained and she sighed- she didn't understand what was so hard about growing a baby in your stomach. "But you and I can do something fun today, you make me happy, too." I smiled at her and she nodded. "What would you like to do today?" I asked and she went silent, so she could think about it.

"Can we go to the li... li... berry?" She asked and I chuckled with a nod.

"The library, yes." I smiled. "Let's go and get dressed."

I was thankful for Faria. I had been completely miserable and depressed since Anita left me, but Faria made sure I was dressed and out of the house doing something every day- she really kept me on my toes. She also liked to call me every single day while she was away at Freddie's, just to make sure that I was okay and out of bed. She was just like Freddie, she cared so much about everyone else and she put herself last- I didn't want her to see herself as last, so we'd have to work on that.

---

"Do you want to take some home, or just read here?" I asked, holding her hand and taking her to the kids' section. Sometimes she just wanted to sit in the little bean bag chairs and listen while I read to her, but other times she wanted to take them home and try to read them for herself.

"Can we sit here?" She looked up and I nodded with a smile. "I'll look for some. You wait here." She smiled, pointing to the chair in the corner, then running off to look for herself.

I couldn't help but laugh, lowering myself into the bean bag chair and wondering what the hell I probably looked like. I assumed the chairs were made for kids, because they were small and low to the ground, but she wanted to sit in them every single time and I didn't want to disappoint her, so I sat there practically folded in half while she picked out her books.