Save Me From Myself » Daniel Howell AU

Chapter 1

I shut my door, sighing. I leaned against the door, finally letting the tears fall. Behind this door, I was free to cry and not be questioned by my brother, Phil, and my best friend, Dan. A few months ago, I had that very feeling and realized, I could do a whole lot more than just cry and be miserable. I remember that day like no other.

I went to my bathroom, looking into the mirror on the wall. I saw my red eyes and tear stained cheeks. Even more tears threatened to spill out, but instead of letting them, I reached into the cabinet, taking my razor blade out. I had already thought about doing this before, but never went through with it. I focused on the razor blade as I brought it closer to my arm. I felt the cold small piece of metal hit my skin and suddenly, I felt a wave of pain spread through my arm. I kept going though, slashing marks across the majority of my arm. I felt it relieving me. Taking all the pain from the day away. All the pain was replaced by some weird kind of pleasure. I didn't understand it, yet I still did it. It gave me some new sensation. I knew that once I started I couldn't stop.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and slowly walked to my bathroom. I opened the cabinet and reached to the back, feeling for the small piece of metal that I became so very familiar with. I finally felt it against my fingers and I grabbed it up, quickly and swiftly bringing it up to my arm and making my first mark of the day. I kept going until I felt completely relieved. I sighed and turned on the sink, rinsing the blade off. I put the blade back into the cabinet, making sure it was hidden. Water still came out of the sink faucet. I put my arm under the water, watching the blood wash away. The water burned the fresh cuts, but weirdly, it felt good. 

I turned off the sink, shaking the water off of my arm. I walked back into my room, slipping on one of my many hoodies. I walked back out of my room, playing with my sleeves a little. I walked into the living room where Dan sat on the couch, looking at his computer in his lap. I sat down beside him, looking at his computer which had Tumblr pulled up. 

"Ah, the magical world of Tumblr," I looked over at him, faking a smile. He gave a small laugh and looked over at me. "Oh yes," He said. I leaned my head on his shoulder. "Why did you have to drop out of uni?" I asked. It was actualy just a thought, but I wasn't focusing clearly and said it out loud. I could already imagine his confused look. 

"Well, why are you asking?" He questioned. I sighed, "It was better with you there. I actually had a friend." I closed my eyes, tightly. "I'm sure you have friends at uni," I leaned up and opened my eyes, turning to look at him. "Dan, you don't know. You aren't there, so you don't know," I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. I quickly got up. "Hey. Hey, Megan. I'm sorry," I heard from him as I started walking back down the hall to my room. I closed the door behind me and went to my bed where I lied face down, tears soaking into the pillow.