Undeniable

Chapter 10

Undeniable Chapter 10

First period was over in ten minutes. I roamed the hallways and sat against a wall of lockers during that time, all the while trying to control my breath and make it even again. My chest was heaving up and down with the intense urge to break down and cry. I didn’t want to cry. I wanted to make myself believe that I was okay and that his outright rejection didn’t affect me. I wanted to pretend that I was one of those vampires that can just shut off their emotions and live without pain or anger or sadness. I didn’t want to break.

But deep down inside, I knew I was already breaking. I started when he first told me he didn’t feel the same. I’ve been stuck on an emotional roller coaster, trying to keep up my hopes that maybe something was changing. Maybe he would change his mind when he got to know me better. But if I’ve learned one thing from being in school, it’s this:

People don’t change. And if they do, that is who they were in the first place.

I’ve been that one girl on the outside for a while. Always liking that one guy and it all goes good until he finds out. Ignorance is bliss. But not for the ignoramus, for the person they are ignorant to. Draco didn’t know. And it was perfectly fine until I ruined our friendship by opening my big mouth. You can’t cross the line until you know just where it lays. And you can’t feel the beat until you lose yourself in it.

I set the line and he didn’t cross it, because he didn’t know what it was or where it was. He didn’t get lost in the beat because he didn’t like the song.

I sat there for ten minutes, tears searing my eyes, begging me to let them fall and wash my face. I didn’t want them to fall. I didn’t want to lose my breath while crying in an empty hallway. Luckily, no one walked in this area during passing period to third hour. Otherwise, people would have seen me. I can only deal with few people right now.

Looking back on it, I felt weak yet strong. I never wanted to walk away and lose him as a friend forever but I had the strength to give up and stop torturing myself. I was strong enough to stand up and take small steps towards a hopeful, better me, leaving him sitting with the words and stories I poured into his cup.

It hurts. Rejection sucks. I wanted to get that one chance that I always wanted ever since middle school but it didn’t happen. I should be used to the pain and fear of being rejected and unwanted by the guys my heart chose to care for. But the truth is, I am not. I never will be used to it. It happened to me fairly often and I should have stopped trying. I should have known better than to give my affection to someone I don’t even hang out with or talk daily to in person.

Things could have been different but I will take that slash upon my heart with pride and try to bottle up my emotions. No one can relate to me. I put myself out there unlike the rest of my friends and I get hurt. It’d be different if I didn’t try but I do and it only hurts me.

I took my backpack off and set it beside me and positioned myself to lay down on it. I put my body into a fetal position, bringing my knees up to my chest and hold them close to me. Taking deep breaths, I calmed down a little bit and was able to breathe properly. Now I had academic prep which meant I could do anything I wanted to do. My Plan? Lie on the floor and cope.

No one walked by and no one bothered me which made me feel better about just being here like a lazy bum. I closed my eyes and ignored a silent tear that fell down my nose horizontally and onto the floor. I inhaled and exhaled silently, not wanting to hear my heartbeat pounding as much as it was. It didn’t work since I felt it through my whole body.

A moment later I felt someone sit next to the backpack my head was resting on. Sadly, I didn’t want to move to find out who it is but I had the sense that I knew him/her. They lifted my head and moved the backpack, scooting their body under my head. My head was now resting in the mysterious person’s lap and I could tell it was a guy based on the smell of cologne entering my nose. So that narrows it down.