You || Krii7y

17. Distance

Jaren pants as he looks at John, who can't find anything to say. His mind is racing as he processes everything Jaren had just said.

John watches him struggle to remove something from his finger and throw it forcefully at him. John catches it and finds the ring he'd thought he'd lost a few days ago. Jaren's cracked voice barely fills the deafening silence. "You left it in my car that night I drove you home. Take it and go. Please."

Looking at Jaren's shaking shoulders and the tears flowing down his face, John can't find it in him to argue back and hurt the boy anymore, so instead he obeys Jaren and walks to the door, his mind blank, and mechanically gets into his car and drives in the direction of his house without a glance back. He doesn't think as he drives, unable to kickstart his brain. He's thankful the roads are quiet in the dark because he's not concentrating on driving.

Once in bed, his brain starts functioning again. How had he not realised how Jaren would have felt in the last week? When he'd ignored him without even giving him a reason why?

Everything Jaren had said was true. He'd used him, going back to him when he wanted to. He hadn't spared a second to think about how it would be affecting Jaren. He doesn't deserve him. He's treated him like shit and Jaren is better off without him.

John resolves that, for Jaren's sake, he'd respect his wishes and would distance himself for good this time, without playing with Jaren and his emotions. If he'd known that was how Jaren felt... No, it's too late for 'if's. He doesn't deserve the liberty of 'if's.

The realisation of the situation and what had just happened falls like a brick. John sobs into his pillow as he realises how awful he'd been to the best person in his life and falls asleep with tears streaking his face and his heart shattered into a million pieces.

**********************

The next day John wakes up early, having barely slept. He doesn't want to talk to anyone today and so leaves his phone battery to drain as he hears text after text come. He hopes his friends would understand that he just wants a day to himself and hopes they won't find other ways to pester him.

He stays in his bed and stares at the ceiling all day, only getting out to eat and use the bathroom. He doesn't allow himself any technology to entertain him, mainly because he knows he'd cave in and cry to one of his friends but also because he's a shit person. He'd treated Jaren like shit and so he should suffer - even if it is nothing compared to how Jaren must have felt. He also sees no point in doing anything when Jaren hates him. His best friend hates him.

He hears his phone go off a few more times towards the end of the day, signalling texts. If he thought there was a chance of one of them being from Jaren, he'd jump on his phone but he knows the likelihood of that is less than zero and he still doesn't want to talk to anyone else. No one can make the pain go away.

**********************

Two days after and he remains in his room, this time allowing himself to watches shit Netflix movies before his thoughts completely overtake him. The movies play on his laptop but he finds himself staring out of his window, watching the darkening sky and waiting for the rain to fall. Later on, his phone goes off for the first time that day and he reluctantly reaches over and turns it on.

It's Fitz.

Are you and Smii7y good? He hasn't spoken to us either...

It'd be so easy to not reply and to just ignore him like he wants to but John doesn't want to worry anyone else.