(22) "Yes, Katrina, that"

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I need to get out of here, I think, knowing that Brandy is still just a couple of meters behind me and that as long as I am in the same room - no, house - as her, I'll only get more distressed.  I step out of Kat's embrace and rush outside, sinking to the ground by the wall a little bit away from the front door.  I half expect to hear Kat screaming at Brandy inside, but there's only silence before my ears pick up on the sound of footsteps approaching.  For a moment, I'm worried it may be Brandy - obviously I still have some things to say to her, and she should probably be given a chance to respond if we ever want this whole mess to be resolved, but I need time to calm down and let my anger dissolve before that can happen.  Luckily, when I raise my head slightly, I find a familiar red-head crouched in front of me, eyes wide with concern.  I offer her a weak smile to convey my gratitude - not for anything in particular, just for being here when I need her to be here - before letting my gaze fall again.

Part of me wishes I hadn't said some of the things I did a moment before, but I know that in order to retract any of those statements and accusations, I would have to first untangle the truth from the lies because I could never apologise for being honest.  That being said, it does surprise me that Brandy didn't even try to fight back; she's normally so prominent and dramatic and she was always able to bring something positive to every situation (even with her attitude and frequent comments about how 'unbelievable hot' Calum is), and yet today she just seems so . . . lukewarm.  With Brandy - and, actually, with Kat too - I've always felt like ice, like I'm transparent and cold and could just melt into the background of every setting; Brandy and Kat, on the other hand, are like flames, ostentatious and flickering with exuberant colour, drawing attention towards them like moths.  Somehow, in the space of a day, that seems to have drastically changed, because today I witnessed Brandy accept everything, whereas she would have normally put up a fight and demanded to know what was going on before attempting to resolve the entire situation.

"You okay?"  Kat's voice, softer than usual, cuts through my jumbled thoughts.  Without thinking it through, I nod - I'm not sure if I really am okay, but if I actually tried giving a truthful answer in this instance, we would probably be here for a while sorting through the tangled wires in my mind.  "You know you're sitting in the snow, right?"

My eyes widen at Kat's words and, sure enough, when I glance down I am in fact sat on a cold white sheet of snow.  "Well this is brilliant," I say dryly, and Kat lifts a skeptical eyebrow.  "No, seriously, it has always been my life ambition to sit in a pile of tiny little frozen ice particles," I inform her sarcastically.  Strangely, I find her grinning at me knowingly, as if she's just discovered something incredible that I should somehow also know about.  "What?"

"Your sarcasm is back," she smiles, "which means everything is going to be just fine."

I roll my eyes.  "Dude, chill: the sarcasm never left."  After I say this, my eyebrows furrow, wondering where the 'dude' came from - after pondering it for a couple of seconds, I decide that I've probably just been spending a little too much time around the guys.  Kat, on the other hand, is laughing uncontrollable - so hard, in fact, that I can actually see a small tear weaving its way down her face.  She wipes it away quickly, meeting my gaze as I stare at her questioningly.

"You said 'chill'," she explains, still laughing, "and there's snow.  We are literally chilling."  She doubles over with laughter and I watch in amusement as she ends up falling face-first into the snow.  Opting to make the most of this rare opportunity, I hastily pull my phone from the bag I just packed and snap a quick photo of my best friend sprawled across the snowy ground, eyes wet with tears as she continues to snort, making a mental reminder to show it to Ashton at some point.

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