No One But You

51. Little Taylor

Madison

"I'm still annoyed Brian told me I needed to play the double bass," John complains to me over the phone.

I laugh and twirl the cord in my fingers. It's been about a month since the boys left for their tour. I thought John would have been over the little prank Brian pulled but I suppose not. Right before the tour Brian said he thought a nice double bass would make the song '39 pop. Naturally Deaky wanted to please so he went out the next day and learned how to play it in two days. It turns out Brian was joking the whole time and John has been bothered since.

"That was ages ago, Deaky," I remind him.

"I know, but now I own the bloody thing and I'm not even getting use of it,"

I laugh. "I say just play it at one of your shows," I tell him. "Actually fuck it. Bring it to all your shows,"

"Maybe I will. It'll spice things up,"

I smile and lean back in the chair I am sitting on. I miss the boys more than I can handle. I look forward to their calls every night, no matter what time they are. Currently it's 3am my time, but I'll never miss their calls. Not in a million years.

I vaguely hear a small commotion going on in the background. My heart jumps slightly, hoping it's Roger. I haven't spoken to him much recently. When it's my turn to speak to him, he's been cutting it short and giving me excuses for why he has to get off the line. I've been brushing it off lately but it's starting to take a toll.

"Is that him?" I ask John, trying to hide my eagerness.

John sighs. "Uh, yeah. I mean, he just left though. I think he went out for a smoke," he tells me.

"Oh," I reply. My stomach sinks. I hate the feeling of being needy. I know he has his own life going on right now, but I urgently need to talk to him. I have for about a week now.

"He misses you, Maddie," John assures me. "He talks about you constantly. I think he's been distant because hearing your voice hurts him,"

I sigh dramatically. "That doesn't make sense, Deaky. If he missed me he would want to talk to me. Every time he's gotten on the phone lately it's been 'sorry, I need to go to bed' or 'sorry, I'm drunk right now and can't speak'. He's never been too tired before to speak to me," I snap.

My eyes well with tears from emotions. I've been an absolute wreck lately. My mind has been all over the place. The girls have been wonderful and I love their support, but I desperately need to speak to Roger.

"I need to tell you something," I say, my voice much quieter than it was a moment before. I might regret this, but I need to get it off my chest and John is. one of my most trusted friends. "You have to promise not to tell anyone though,"

John sighs. "Is everything okay?"

I squeeze my eyes shut, a tear escaping and falling down my cheek. "Just promise me, okay?"

"Okay," John whispers. "I promise,"

I lick my lips, my mouth suddenly feeling dry. I take a deep breath before telling John something that's been eating me away for a couple days now.

"I went to the doctor the other day because I wasn't feeling well..." I start. "I thought I had the flu but it turns out...I'm - uh - I'm pregnant,"

Both of us are silent for what feels like forever. My heart beats uncontrollably out of my chest. I wanted Roger to be the first to know, but he's blown me off nearly every day the past week. I wanted the time to be right but I suppose the time will never be right.