My Life Without You

Chapter 4: Its Morning

August 15, 2019

Today I woke up thinking about him. I can't help it. Last night was so crazy. If you were to tell me that I would not only run into my first love but make love to him on the pier, I would say you were lying. This is insane! I can't believe it. He's back. Back in my life. I thought this would never happen. After dealing with our break up and dealing with him leaving for the military, I didn't think this day was even possible.

As I sit here on my window ledge in my bed room looking out the window, I see Rick washing his truck. He has no idea that I've been unfaithful or broken our vows. He has no idea that Ro is even back in town. We never speak about him. We've never even entertained the thought of him coming home from the military. Why is that? Why hadn't we talked about him one day eventually meeting Nairobi? She is his daughter. Why hadn't Rick asked me to reach out to him to let Ro know that we have a daughter? So many thoughts cloud my mind... I don't even want to think about it. A blue Jay has landed on my bird feeder just outside my window. Must be nice to be a bird. Nothing to worry about. No stress— No judgment— No sins.

~Val

Closing her journal, Valerie lays it down in the usual spot—In her desk drawer in her room. She trusts her husband not to go through her personal things and feels sure that he would never violate her trust. Val walks down to Nairobi's bedroom where she finds her taking her babydoll's hair down. She gazes at her with envy. Remembering when life use to be so simple as a little girl, imagining herself playing on the floor with her favorite doll. The doll was soft, had big brown eyes, and her hair was black. Val admires her daughter's playful nature as she knows that one day she will be all grown up— not playing with dolls, but involved with a boy who will tell her he loves her and wants to marry her. If life was only that simple!

"Hi sweetheart," Valerie said, walking into her daughter's room.

Nairobi Jumps up. "Look, mommy. You like my babies hair?" She shows off the new hairstyle she's given her babydoll.

"Ohhh, she looks wonderful! I love her hair sweetie." Val exclaimed. 

"I did it all by myself."

"You did?"

"Yea, do you wanna play with me, mommy?"

Valerie takes the top off the toy chest, and removes  the baby doctor play-set and the bakery chef doll set. Turning around from the toy chest, "Well, of course, I do sweetheart."

"Ok, mommy. Grab that chair in the corner." She points to her small pink chair at her play table.

"That's ok. I'll sit on the floor with you pumpkin."

"But mommy."

Her eyebrows arched. "What?"

"You're too big. You can't sit on the floor."

"Hahaha. Very funny Nairobi."

"But you are momma," Nairobi said, smirkingly at her mom.

"Girl! I ain't big! You got me messed up. I can play wherever I want to." Val said with a smirk. Now shut up and grab me that pink doll car." Val shook her head from side to side as she rolls her eyes and smiles at her daughter.

Forty minutes pass before Valerie realizes it. Her daughter was having so much fun that Val's daydreaming became frequent. Should I let her meet her dad? How would she take it? Ro would be shocked to see he has a little girl. At least my daughter knows that her father exists and has a picture of him that my mom took years ago when we were going to the high school prom.

"Mommy!"

Noticing Nairobi at the bay window pointing at something, Valerie slowly lifting herself up off the floor. "Yes, what you see out there sweetie?"