My Life Without You

Chapter 14: Liberty

December 18th

Dear Diary,

After speaking with my momma on Thanksgiving, and going to church on Sunday, I've decided to keep the baby. I really had a breakdown at my mom's, which made me feel a little better. I understand that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, but it is a such thing as sacrifice. I've learned that you must sacrifice what you thought you knew about being married, because it's all fairytales. You must learn that each marriage is different  and comes with its own unique set of problems. But, as Dr. Stevens stated, the greater gift of knowledge, is learning that it's not about running from your problems, but facing them head on.

Rick has really been doing well. He has stopped drinking and he has even invited me to one of his AA meetings. When I went, it must admit, I didn't know what to expect. I learned a lot about my husband, I learned things about him I never knew. He is a strong man for having the strength to open up in front of strangers and tell his story. He showed me the biggest gift of all. Introducing me as his wife, and telling his friends there that we was expecting a baby, blew my mind to pieces. I mean, what type of man takes his wife back and accepts her baby as his own? Sure, you hear about it in the tabloids all the time. You hear about the countless rappers, singers, athletes, actors, and so forth that have cheated on their wives, and sometimes got another woman pregnant. You also hear how the wife stuck by her husband's side, even when the world was talking trash about her decision to stay. But I remember my mother's words... The world will judge you, but listen to heart. I guess I'm the lucky one. My husband listened to his heart, talked to me and told me he is waiting for me whenever I decide I'm ready to go forth in our marriage. He's staying at his mom's house for now. He calls me every day to check on us. He asks about Nairobi, and ask me about how I'm feeling too. He's even left work and brought me soup when I couldn't eat anything else.

Dr. Stevens says to take things as slow as I need to. I see her every other Tuesday when Nairobi is in pre-school. Our sessions has been going really good. I've been able to talk to her about when I was sexually abused as a teen. I talked to her about sleeping with Romelle and I even told her I was pregnant by him. We talk about everything. I even mentioned how I wan to go back to school after the baby is born. I want to get my Masters degree in Psychology, helping abused women so they can heal and forgive. I'll go when the baby turns one. I actually found a program where I can take classes online. It's an accredited university and everything.  I guess it was a little easier to talk to her than I had initially thought. Although, a little scary, I'm excited about my journey, going back to school, and helping women overcome tragedy. I'm still learning how to forgive myself and learning how to fly freely. Just as the birds in the sky.

I haven't made my mind up just yet about my marriage, but I have made strides to make sure he gets to spend time with Nairobi. She and Noah need to be around each other, regardless of what's going on in my marriage.

I'm finally meeting up with Romelle to tell him about the baby. With him being in the reserves, our timing is not always good. Every time I want to go to his place to tell him, it's his weekend to go to his military duty. I was trying to tell him when our daughter was at Rick's. Well, she spent the night over Rick's mothers place and Romelle is finally home for us to talk privately. I hope this day goes well.

~Val

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Later on that day

With Christmas less than a week away, Valerie was excited about the holidays. She had invited Rick and Noah over two weeks ago to help trim the tree. The attractively arranged presents sit under the tree in front of the bay window, and stockings hang handsomely from the mantle. The children replaced the harvest stickers in the window with Christmas stickers. The dining room table cover and center-piece is now decorated red and green. The multi-colored lights hung from the top of the porch and lights sparkle brightly from the tree on their front lawn. The street was lined with an array of colors, decorations showcase brightly from house to house.