7 days close to yoυ- Countryhuman love story ~rusame~

Tips on writing

Hello my dear readers. I decided to give you some advice and tips on writing, since you seem to not be doing so well on your own. For example, the writers of "Drunk In Love", "Stitches" and "From enemies to friends, what could go wrong?" need to be improved. Let me, the really experienced and talented writer you teach you some stuff.

1. First of all, you need to make your chapters incredibly small. Make them 1-2 paragraphs each. That will help your story because the chapters will be so short that you'll have to make 50+ of them, and that'll make your story larger and will totally not annoy your readers. A good idea is for 2/3 of your chapters to be unnecessary bullsh*t that noone cares about.

2. Second of all you need to completely stop using kommas and fullstops since people describe them as accessories take this paragraph for example

3. Now to the actual writing. The plot. Don't you just hate it when something takes 2-3 chapter to happen? Yeah, me too. That's why you should make the pace of the plot as small as possible. Say for example you are writing a love story between two enemies who become lovers. The first chapter should be the introduction of the character and the realationship between them. Show that they hate eachother with all their heart. The second chapter should be them having two kids together. Who needs character development and useless crap like that?

4. Speaking of realationships, let's talk about kisses and makeout scenes. I advise you to make your characters make out at random times. It brings up the tension and makes your readers enjoy the story more. For example (again), I once read a book in which the two main characters made out at one of the character's mother's funeral. It might seem like a f*cking stupid idea, but trust me when I say that it is. Another thing is that while they are kissing, make sure to make them spit in eachother's mouths. It helps the writing on getting better, since you can write sentences like "They pulled out and they both had saliva dripping from their mouths. *Name of one character* licked their lips to get the saliva off". It's always great to read these and they always make me want to puke.

5. Now going to the spicy stuff, for you extreme sailors. When two characters have sex it's nice to make them finish their job in 2 minutes. In real life real couples wouldn't even be able to take their clothes off, but apparently the characters in your story will be able to have and enjoy sex in two minutes. Make it three minutes if you want it to be super spicy. If you make it more than that, your readers will get bored and want the smut to end. Another thing about sex is that it's really fun when someone gets pregnant, even if they were using a condom. And readers will particularly enjoy male/ (male) kid pregnancy!

6. Going back to the plot, it's a good idea to keep playing with your readers' feelings. No, I don't mean actually making a good plot but just making a character die or something, silly. I mean keep switching the mood of a scene. Make it from a happy scene to the saddest scene of the book in a snap of a finger, and the opposite. And keep doing it, it's really fun for both you and the viewers! Make your book like those VERY GOOD IN QUALITY Gacha life videos where someone has died and then the creator just throws random sh*t every 2 minutes in hope to make the scene funny and sad at the same time. Your fans won't be able to trust anything anymore.

7. Now to the dialogue, a very important part. Do you like realistic stories where the characters act normal and not like complete retards? Neither do I. So make your characters act dramatically all the time! None stop! The less close to real life a conversation is, the better. Take these three examples to understand what to do in every situation:

1) A: "Hey, I'm A. I will be in your class this year."
B: "Good to know, I'm B. Okay goodbye now"
A: *leaves*
C: "B you have a crush on A, I saw it"
B: "I don't"
C: "Yes you do"
B: "Okay ya I do"

2) A: "Hey guys sorry I didn't come yesterday, I got beaten up"
B+C+D: "K. Are you good?"
A: "Well I broke my right leg, jaw and 9 teeth are missing and I didn't go to the hospital by yeah I'm good"
B: "How can you walk and talk then?"
A: "Idk lol"

3) A: "Bro I need to move to your place for probably months right now"
B: "Okay"
A: "Wait, don't you have any questions?"
B: "No"

8. And for the last thing, interaction with your fans. DO. NOT. INTERACT. WITH. YOUR. FANS. If you do it, you will get suggmah. Even if they complain about your writing, even if they ask you a question, even if they compliment you, even if they offer you an n-word pass, do not talk to them at any point. It's for your and their health and safety.

And these are all the things you need to know. Now you may ask me why I don't follow my own advice, and it's because I will become too much of a good writer and I'm not ready yet. I'm still young and the world needs an older writer. Alright, see you on the next chapter.

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But before I leave, I have a small story to tell to whoever is interested and has nothing better to do with their life. I know it's not a good place to tell the story of my life, but if you don't like it you can skip it. So, I was sitting there, chilling, watching a Youtuber play Minecraft 2, when I suddenly get a message on Instagram. It said that someone I didn't know wanted to send me a video. I checked their profile and she was a stripper and sent me a video of her twerking. Now, keep in mind that my profile looks like this:

Now you may ask if I answered her, and if I did, what did I tell her? Well guys, I acted natural.

I'm not the type of guy to post things like that online, but who in the actual f*ck sends their twerking to a profile called "creeper_aw_man" with a minecraft animation pp, thinking "Mhm, this person surely is old enough and wants to smash. I'm getting wet- FROM THE WATER I JUST SPILLED, NOT ANYTHING ELSE". Also it was hilarious. If she replies I'll post her reply (if it's appropriate) if you guys are interested. Okay bye now, sorry for wasting your time.