family secrets || fillie

𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘

"miss brown!"

the last thing i heard before everything went black. part of me wants this entire day to be a dream, a nightmare per say.

but part of me also wants everything to end, the fighting, the gangs, the killings. i want to live a normal life, with the boy i've so helplessly fallen for.

the void is the ultimate mystic doorway. it allows you to disappear into non-existence against the backdrop of eternity.

all of these months i've realized, not letting myself be happy with the one true person that i'm destined to marry sometime this year.

i'm being murdered by my own mind.

he would come home every night, with an expression not even a professional therapist could read.
subtle words like

"good morning"

"how are you"

"i made breakfast"

"goodbye"

"stay safe"

escaped our lips but were laced with no meaning. every night in bed we would sleep one inch farther apart as the days went on.

he would do subtle gestures here and there to clear up the situation.
such as nudging my shoulder with his elbow due to the height difference.

or sometimes he would play my favorite songs in the car, even though he hated them with a burning passion.

only to make me smile. that's what makes me feel so horrible about myself. he's in this horrible state-

get me some more liquids, so we can hook her up

the hell was that? my body, head to toe starts to tingle almost as if it went to sleep. i furrow my brows together as i start to feel a shining light on my eyes.

the darkness is fading more and more until my vision is blurry, but i'm sat in a chair. a large recliner with scratchy material.

my eyes roam to my left to see finn still unconscious in the hospital bed. everything seems like it was put into slow motion. a man in a while coat was holding a clipboard talking with what looks like to be a nurse.

a young woman in her late twenties was on my right attaching a tube of a clear liquid hanging in a plastic bag above me.

"ah miss brown, finally awake i see.
don't worry, everything is fine-

i squeeze my eyes shut as his voice mixed along with the two others in the room makes me even more disoriented.

"w-what happened why is there an iv in my arm?" my fingernails grasp at the tubes and wires as she nurse shoes my hand away laying me back.

"it was only your nerves that got the best of you, also lack of hydration according to your blood flow"
the doctor with the name that is still unknown to me moves his dark ballpoint pen across his documents.

"just try to relax, take deep breaths, maybe try watching some television to clear your mind-"

i lay my head slowly onto the headrest of the olive green recliner chair. my fingers tense every couple of minutes as i can practically feel the saline running and gushing through my veins.

"get your new exercise resistance bands today for only $17.99!
we will also include free shipping if you include our sweat proof towels for only-"

the volume decreases as one of the nurses turns it down three notches.
i slowly redirect my vision to the man on my left. he looks terrible.

it's the minuscule details that are so indescribably horrifying that make the situation so much worse than it already is.

the tiny droplets of splattered blood on his paper white cotton button down.

the rips in his pitch black pleated pants that are on top of many bruises.

his watch that sits crookedly on his wrist that is completely shattered to the point where the imprinted numbers are unreadable.

i lick around my chapped lips as i taste a salty liquid. i hadn't noticed tears were escaping the corner of my eyes as i clenched my jaw to try to stop the flow.

my chin starts to quiver, my chest heaves up and down due to my heavy breathing. i have zero energy left to hold in my feelings. and i'm pretty damn good at it, just not today.

" i am so sorry .. for everything .
i pushes you away and for what ?
a stupid fucking fight "

i keep on whispering to myself until the only thing that is being heard is finns heart monitor that beeps every minute, and my saline that drips into my iv.

the original iphone ringtone buzzes underneath the palm of my hand.
the contact reads

mom

a picture of the two of us with finn on my side lights up with her name in front. a smile lays across my lips with tears running across them down to my chin.

i remember when that photograph was taken. it was about four months ago, we were invited to a birthday party for one of our neighbors children. i can't help but laugh on how finn was so excited after he ripped open the invitation. he hadn't been to a child's party in ages.

the loud ringing brings me back as i quickly press answer hoping it wasn't to late.

"hello? mom?"
the words are forced as i suck up the drippings from my nose preventing them from falling on my blouse.

"honey! is everything alright? i heard about finn. jesus christ" her voice is filled with worry and sadness, which makes my mood even worse.

"no, he's hurt really bad mom. i don't know what to do" sobs escape my mouth jumping out of my throat as my chest rises and falls in a quick pace.

"okay okay, breathe. everything will turn out okay. your father had so many accidents in the past just like this one. just try to remain calm. take deep breathes. but whatever you do, never leave his side. the moment he wakes up and you aren't there, those people will come in there and kill him without any hesitation"

i bite my nails picturing the thought of him being killed. it breaks my heart. i could never lose him. not now. not ever.

my breaths are back to normal, a steady heartbeat pumps through my chest. ok millie. calm down.

" i understand "