Don't Let Go - A Dear Evan Hansen Fanfiction

10

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Evan Hansen
Thursday September 13, 2018
2:30 p.m.
Trigger warnings: Angsty things pt
1. Previous relationships pt. 1. Please tell me if I missed anything.
Note: HAH, you thought that fluffy Tree Bros was going to stay? Hah. Big, dramatic hah.
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Evan was used to the fact that he blushed so frequently. When he got nervous, his whole face went red. When he became embarrassed, he had the same reaction. Those were normal things, Evan knew he's always blushed at every little thing and would probably continue to do so. It was just who he was.

But this... this was new. He thought of Connor and he'd blush. I don't even feel attracted to him, Evan huffed internally. Not any way other than platonically, not yet. It wasn't even like he thought of Connor in any... ways. He was ace, for God's sake. Jared could call it 'kinky' or 'gay' or whatever else he wanted to, but it- Oh, my goodness, Jared. He- Cutting off his though, Evan changed his course. The bell for the end of the day had already rung and Evan wasn't yet off school grounds, so he transported himself to a nearby picnic table so he could think without walking into a tree, moving vehicle, whatever.

He had no idea how the thought had popped into his head, but now he couldn't stop it. Like a train running off the tracks, it just kept coming. The memories full of little things he hadn't noticed until now...

June 2018
Evan floated on his back in Jared's backyard pool. It was burning hot, despite only being the middle of June, and Evan's mother had contacted Jared's parents to see if Evan could spend some time with Jared, claiming that Evan needed to get out and start the summer on the right foot.

With the playdate arranged, oddly like how it might happen in second grade, the two boys found themselves floating in the clear, chlorinated liquid.

Opening his eyes and turning to the right to look at Jared, Evan found his friend already watching him, with an almost... wistfully sad expression covering his features. Having been caught staring, Jared coughed to cover his blush and looked towards the few white clouds that hung above in the sky.

"Hey, Jare?" Evan called out quietly, hesitantly.

"Yeah Hansen, what's up?"

"I w-was wondering... well, how have you been since what happened? Like, with... us?"

Jared rotated his head completely, facing entirely away from Evan. Evan had known Jared long enough to know he was closing up. His tone of voice would probably be-

"I don't know what you're talking about, Evan."

Yep. Cold, empty, blank. Saying nothing, the truth hidden behind locked doors. Evan sighed, recalling the look on Jared's face from a few moments ago. With the wishes in his green eyes, unobstructed by his usual glasses, and the barely-visible crimson flush on his cheeks. Jared rarely wore his glasses when swimming, because he rarely remembered to get his strap.

"J-Jared... you... you're over me, right? I just don't wan-"

Jared cut him off by standing up and walking out of the pool, grabbing a colourful towel from one of the chairs. He wrapped himself up and installed his eyeglasses on his face before turning back to the boy still in the pool. He placed a wide grin over his features, but it didn't reach his eyes like it used to. "Evvy, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" He chuckled, but Evan could clearly hear the fakeness of it. "I'm a little cold, I'll come back soon."

Lie. Jared never got cold. Ever. And Evan noticed the heavy cloak of sadness that had consumed Jared, despite not knowing why. He'd gotten quite good at reading his friend and he could tell when something was off. Yet he said nothing even when Jared didn't return. Not shortly, not that day. Even when Evan caught sight of Jared gazing at him him from his window above, with the same expression of longing on his face. Even when the real Jared didn't come back, ever.

The expression just had a few extra cups of sadness added to the recipe compared to before.

And that was the last time Jared would ever call him 'Evvy'.
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