Who am I? *A Mortal Instruments Fanfic*

His Past

*A/N: Hey guys! I know for your TMI fans you'll notice that I changed the story of Jace and his falcon. I apoligze. I need it for the rest of the story! So sorry I changed it.*

I hear his voice calling after me, but I ignore him. I run all the way back to the Institute. I sprint up the stairs and into my room, slam my door, and sink down. I run to my bed and leap onto it, burying my face in my arms.

A soft knock raps at my door. "Go away!" I scream. Instead the door opens. "I said, go away." I hiss. I know who it is. The figure moves forward, and sits. I know they want to reach out. A hand touches my shoulder and I jerk away. "What did he say to you?" Without preamble, the voice speaks. I shake my head. "Ariella. Please." It says. There was that mildly pleading tone in their voice again. "Jace, I don't want to talk to it." I mutter. I try and bury my face farther into my arms.

Jace strokes my hair. "I know you want to talk. I get like this when something like that happens. You say you don't want to, but you do." He murmurs. My eyes flash anger, though he doesn't see it. "You don't know who I am. Nobody does. Not even me." The last phrase comes out as a whisper. I still don't lift my head. He pulls me closer. "What did he say?" He repeats, softer. "He said 'what happened to my friend? What happened to the good natured, funny, girl?'" I finally look up and gaze into his eyes. There is a look I'd never seen. I can't describe it but it's not just compassion. It's something else too. "It's still there. You're just having a bad day. Things will look up. I promise. People will get used to it." He assures.

"Will they? They are mundanes. They don't understand. They are creatures of habit. They don't have to live like I now do. I used to be like them. Carefree, normal. But now, I don't think they will accept me. I wouldn't. Who wants someone who doesn't know who she is anymore." I whisper, my hair falling into my eyes.

"You know who you are. I know who you are even though I haven't known you for long, I've been seeing you for years. You're everything that boy said you are. You just haven't been able to express it with those mundanes denying your change." He answers with the same soft voice as he's always been using. "Jace? Why are you doing this? Why are you comforting me? I thought Shadowhunters were supposed be tough. I thought if they had problems, they just dealt with it." I sniff.

"Let me tell you a story, about what happens if you don't comfort someone who needs it." He continues to stroke my hair and face. "There was a boy. For his ninth birthday, his father gave him a falcon. It was a beautiful bird. The father told the boy to keep it blindfolded and to tame it. The boy couldn't do it. Instead, he kept it without the blindfold, touching and stoking its wings until it trusted him. It fed out of the boy's hand. He brought it to his father, expecting him to be proud. Instead he took the bird's neck and broke it. The father said, 'you didn't make it tame. You broke it. To love is to destroy.' I cried for three days and never cried again nor did I ever truly love again." I gasp when I realize it was him.

"So, I see you, and I think of when I was nine and my father killed my bird. I was devastated. I needed comfort but I got none. That made it who I am. But you are not me. You do not deserve nothing. It's not your personality. I understand how you feel, and I want to help make it not hurt." He finishes. I stare up at him. I suddenly feel better. I know my parents would never be so sympathetic. They wouldn't understand. "Thank you." Is all I say, knowing it would be enough. "Feel better?" He asks. I nod. "I've never known what it's like to have a bad day since that day, but I know how to fix them."

"I appreciate it. I feel better. It will be better. The mundanes will get used to it."

"Come on. You have training to do." He pulls me to my feet and I follow him to the training room and Jace teaches me what the three learned. By then, it's time to eat. I walk into the kitchen and Izzy gives me worried look. "Are you ok?" She asks. Alec looks between the two of us. "What happened? Demon?" Alec seems to have warmed up to me a bit more. I shake my head. "A really bad day at school. Pretty much everyone rejected me. Calling me Goth, saying this isn't me. One boy said some mean things, like where is the girl he was friends with. But I know they'll get used to it." I say, clearly not bothered. "When you ran home, you looked pretty upset. Are you sure you're ok?" Izzy questions. "Yes. I'm sure." I look in her eyes and she seems to be happy.