Dear Awsten, I wish that you were here right now, things are worse than ever. I don't know what to do anymore, I've started cutting again, before you say it I know I promised that I would stop but it just became to much. Everyone thinks I do it for attention and it pisses me off . Trust me I'm trying to stop, I really am. You know Geoff? He killed himself after you left, I know I shouldn't be the one to tell you but I think I might be next. With Love Y/N. I stared at the paper that was stained with the tears of my best friend. I kept digging through the rest of the box and found more of their letters and photos. I found another one. Dear Awsten, It's time. I want you to know that it's not your fault, it's not anyone's it's mine. Just know that im in a better place now, I'm gonna miss you but I'll see you again one day. See You Again Y/N. I kept searching through the box and found a stack of photos I flipped through them until one in particular caught my eye
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I flipped it over and read the back, (You know I'm stupid for you ;) - Y/N) This was the day of the stupid for you music video shoot, it was so much fun. We spent the entire day filming and then we all went to Chipotle. I laughed as I thought of when Otto fell over and dropped his taco on the way out. I kept digging and found more photos and more letters until a certain shiny metal tin caught my eye, I grabbed it and opened it. No, No ,No, No,No, it was their blades. I remember taking these from them the first time I found them cutting. I reached up to push my hair out of my eyes and felt that my cheeks were wet, I was crying. I looked through the box more until I had reached the bottom and found a necklace.
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(AN: YOU CAN BUY THIS BAD BOY FOR $16 SMACKAROOS SO IF ANYONE WILL GET ME ONE ILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL) It was one of my toe necklaces that I had given them. I picked it up and saw that the middle foot was engraved ( Warped Tour 2017) the date of our first warped tour show. I put everything back in the box and walked downstairs and into my kitchen I opened my fridge door and grabbed leftover dinner from last night I put it into the microwave. I scrolled through Instagram and liked some of the posts that I was tagged in. The beep of the microwave sounded through my downtown Houston home, I opened the microwave and grabbed the food while also grabbing my fork and sitting back down. I miss Y/N so much that it's tearing my up inside. Why did they do it? I understand that they were depressed but was it really that bad? I lost 2 of my friends in such a short amount of time. I walked up the stairs and back to where her box was. I dug and dug until I found the tin of blades. I ran into my bathroom and started slicing my skin and making small deep cuts. I cut 10 times on each wrists. I slowly stood up and grabbed my bottle of sleeping pills and took 20. I sat back down and waited for the pills to kick in. "See you soon Y/N" I said as I fell into the darkness.
