when we collided [e.s.]

Nineteen

"I won't leave this alone."

Ed drove me home, and we're sitting in the parking lot of my flat building.

"Yes you will," I whisper, wiping my hand over the cold glass to clear the fog. "He's still out there. He'll find us both," I continue, now playing with my necklace.

"Exactly. Letting it go won't do us any good," he argues.

"It will. Once we've forgotten about him, he'll-"

"He'll what? Go away? It doesn't work like that," Ed fights, raising his voice a bit.

I sigh, and my breath shakes. Tears swim in my eyelids. I know Ed's right. Ian isn't going to just go away. He won't let this go, either. I've cornered him.

"I can't let him find us again. Find you," I stutter.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ed looks at me, I know because I hear him shift.

"I can't see you anymore," I whisper, tears streaming down my hot cheeks. Every nerve in my body is being used to keep me from breaking down right there in Ed's car.

"Audrey-"

"We can't," I turn to him, wiping my tears away but only being met with what seems like an endless supply of more.

"Stop. Don't you dare," he whispers, his thumbs under my eyes. I force myself to pull away and my cold fingers find the door handle.

"Let me go," I beg, our hands still clasped.

Ed looks conflicted. He looks... Broken. I hate myself.

Ed leans in fast before I can object and kisses me. Suddenly it's quick. His lips are dancing on top of mine passionately and I'm not stopping it. I know I should be. But I just want it to last...

I place the hand that was on the door handle on the back of his neck and he manages to pull me over the cup holders, so that I am now straddling his waist. This is so wrong.

He ducks his head into my neck and I close my eyes and sniffle, trying to forget why I need to leave. Trying to replace memories.

I pull away. He can't. We can't.

Ed opens the car door for me using the hand previously rested on my bum. It wasn't like he was cupping it, ew. But it was there...

"I'll see you tommorow," he whispers hopefully.

"I-"

"We'll talk. We should talk about this. Please, don't shun me quite just yet," Ed asks sadly as I exit the car, grabbing my purse and coat from the seat across.

"Okay," I reluctantly agree. His hand lingers as he pulls it from mine.

What have I done.