I drove back to our house and run to my room. I cried all night. I was too late. I can't take him back.
The next morning, Evan and I with Alenique decided to visit dad. It was really a nice day for a reunion. I looked at the woman and flashed a nice smile.
"We're here to see Ray Bellus." Her happy expression turned into an apologetic one. "I'm very sorry but Ray died last month. He died out of depression. I thought the guy visited him can help him but he didn't recover. I'm sorry for your loss." I nodded.
Both Evan and I walked like a soulless body. We both can't accept the fact that he was gone.
"I'm not surprised if dad got sick. He is an addict. Those years that passed, I didn't felt any affection for dad. Last time I saw dad is when he told me about you. After what happened I thought that maybe there is still a chance for us. And today.. maybe I wasn't ready to hear it yet. I know I'm sad but I still don't know why I'm still not crying, maybe I didn't love my father after all."
"It's not whether you cry or not. Crying is not how you measure love, Moe."
"You may be right, I know it's weird but I'm okay."
I went back to our old house and fixed the master's bedroom. It's all Dusty and old. Being here makes me nostalgic. I was placing my dad's stuff on a box when an unfamiliar small box-like container got delivered today. My fingers touched it. The top cover has a letter and it had my name on it. I opened it and read the note.
"Dear Moe,
My daughter. I don't know where to start. Should I say sorry or should I say what I felt first? Maybe I should apologize first. I know I hadn't been a father to you since your mom left us. I have been drawn to darkness. I became an alcoholic and an addict. I was a lost soul. I am pathetic.
I regret the day I was not sane. I hit you. I felt horrible for doing it. When you decided to left after that day. My heart breaks knowing that I will lose you and it's all because of me. In your eyes, I saw how venomous your glares are. How hatred consumed you.
Moe, I truly am sorry for all those years that I haven't been a father. I should've known that you're still young and you needed a father you can lean on. Moe, forgive me.
Not a single day goes by that I ain't thinking of you and your mother. You are the pride and joy of your mom and I. I'm happy to see you grow up into a beautiful lady. Thank you so much for being such a patient daughter.
I love you.
Moe, continue reaching for your dreams. And I will always look and guide you wherever my soul is.
Love, Daddy."
I gripped the letter whilst holding the amulet in one hand. My tears finds its way to roll down my cheeks. All my feelings burst out of me. "Dad, I love you. I love you so much. I don't know what to do now. I had so many things I wanted to say to you. I wanted to say "sorry". And I wanted to show you how much I love you."
"Dad, I'm sorry.. I love you too."
How can you move on after this? How can you adjust? So many things left unsaid. But all I could think is I should not stop. I should go on and continue living.
