Finding Your Person

Chapter 11

We sang at the top of our lungs all the way to the party. I didn't even know if I would still have a voice to greet people. We all hopped out of the car and made our way in.
I had been here several times before. It was my friend Nat's house. She was my first close friend I had made that I didn't play a sport with. She was a beautiful person inside and out. She had dirty blonde hair that was always curled, and hazel eyes, with the most perfect smile. She was one of those people that no matter what she was feeling, she would always try to make someone else feel good about themselves. We had only just really opened up to each other about us both having anxiety and depression, but if she never told me I would have never known. She always had the biggest smile on her face and was the life of the party. The way she made others feel about themselves was truly amazing, it was a shame she couldn't see herself the way others viewed her. I think the world would be a better place if we truly all saw ourselves the way the people who knew us best and loved us viewed us.
Whenever any of my friends spoke poorly of themselves, I would be the first to reject their accusations, and vice versa. So, why is it that we can't reject our own poor, untrue thoughts? Nat and I would always have deep conversations about emotions.  Nat suffered and nobody knew, because she was able to complete so much and do so much good. I couldn't help but wonder how much more she could achieve if she believed in herself. She would be unstoppable.
As soon as I had one foot in the door, Nat and Deb came screaming to welcome me.
Deb was my other close friend that I didn't play sports with. She and Nat, I swear, could be mistaken for sisters. Their bodies were shaped the same way. She had dirty blonde hair and light brown eyes. Just like Nat, her smile was beautiful. She was so happy and carefree. She never cared about being a people pleaser, and I had admired that quality in her. She always was herself and didn't care what people thought.
"AGHH! MAG!" Nat threw her arms out, opened wide, dancing and jumping her way over to me from the other side of the house.
"OH MY GOSH! You made it!" Deb followed her in the same manor.
"Hey!" I yelled as they came tumbling in for hugs.I tried to show as much enthusiasm as they did, but I had a feeling I didn't stand a chance against the alcohol coursing through their blood.
"I'm so happy you made it. The drinks are in the kitchen. Help yourself," Nat said, making me follow her.
"Is Garrett coming?" Deb asked.
"Yeah, he is coming with some of the boys, I think," I replied. I really wasn't sure how he was getting here or home since we barely talked all day.
"Is Chad coming?" Deb asked. Chad had been one of the more popular and attractive guys in our school. Deb had always wanted to 'get with' Chad, I guess you could say.
"I think so," I replied, smirking.
She gave me a devilish grin back and replied,  "Good."
"The music is downstairs, so grab a drink and meet us down there," Nat said to me as she grabbed Deb's arm, pulling her to the basement door.
I turned to Gabby, Scotty, and Jay who had already begun getting friendly with people. I walked over to them to see what they had been talking about with some kids from our school.
"Congrats on the win today, girls," one of the guys who was a senior called out.
"Thanks," all three of us replied.
I kept checking my phone to see if Garrett had texted me yet to let me know if he was coming or not.
"What are you doing?" Gab asked me.
"I don't know where Garrett is," I responded.
"The party just started. I'm sure he'll be here soon," she bumped my shoulder and gave me a smile.
"Stop worrying about him. Let's go downstairs and have some fun. You need to relax, Mag," Scotty said to me, grabbing my hand.
We made our way downstairs. It was dark, minus the party lights that were zigzagging all around the room. Beer pong was being played right as you walked downstairs, and from one of the rooms, smoke poured out from people that were smoking weed, it looked like. Right in the center was where everyone was dancing. Loud party music was playing, and right about now, I was wishing I had listened to more of this music so I could sing the lyrics as loud as everyone else. A minute of our being down there we had found Deb and Nat. As soon as they saw me, they pulled me in to dance with them. I was very thankful that as soon as they did 'Mr. Brightside' came on. Now for anyone that knows me, knows that this song is my anthem. I started to sing/scream the lyrics at the top of my voice. For a minute, I had forgotten everything about Garrett. I was fully set on living in the moment with some of the most amazing friends I had.
Right when the song ended, Scotty took my hand to play beer pong.
"Let's go. I called next game for us on the beer pong table."
"Okay!" I laughed as we made our way over.
We were versing some boys that I guess had been from a different high school. Nat was friends with people from all over, and I think I remember seeing these faces at a party here once before.
"What's up, ladies? You ready to lose?" I could tell they were joking and trying to flirt with us, but either way, game on.
"The only thing being lost tonight are both your man cards once we beat you," I shouted over the table since the music was loud. The boys laughed.
"Alright, I guess we will see then. What are your names?" The taller of the two had asked.
"I'm Scotty and this is Mag," Scotty had answered for the both of us.
"I'm Derek and this is Todd," the taller boy, who now I know to be Derek, spoke up.
The game was pretty intense and there was quite a bit of trash talking, mostly from Jay who was telling the guys we were going to whip their butts. Jay was right, we did.
We played two more rounds and I was having such a fun time. I then checked my phone once more to see if Garrett had responded.  Finally I saw Eric and Corey walk in and figured I'd see Garret coming through with them.
"Do you mind taking my place for a minute, Jay?" I had asked so I could go talk to Eric and Corey.
"Yeah, sure," he said, taking the ball from my hand.
"Don't mess this up for me, Jay."
"I'll put this team on my back, don't worry." His words were muffled. I could tell he was a little drunk. I just shook my head, patted Scotty on the back, and told her 'good luck.' As I walked away, I heard them laugh and begin to banter about who was better. I really loved them together.
I made my way over to Eric and Corey who were giving high-fives and hugging everyone as they walked in.
"Hey," I said to Eric and Corey, giving them both a hug.
"What's up? Where's Garret?" Eric asked, hugging me back.
"I thought he was coming with you," I responded.
"No, he said he had to pick someone up. So we all just assumed he meant you," Corey added into the conversation.
"That's weird. I'm going to try to call him." I began making my way up the steps. Once I reached the top it was still way too loud, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to hear him.
I started to call him as I stepped outside. Pacing back and forth, I got his voicemail twice. I was seriously starting to worry. I decided to call his house number.  I figured maybe he didn't even leave yet.
His dad picked up the phone.
"Hi, it's Mag. I was just wondering if Garrett had left yet?"
"Yes, he left about two hours ago? He said he was picking you up for the party. Did he not show up?"
As Garrett's dad was telling me this I saw his car pull up, quickly I responded so his dad wouldn't worry.
"No, he's just getting here now. I guess there was a little confusion with what the plans were."
"Okay, well good. You two be safe tonight and give us a call if you need anything."
"Thank you, Mr. Irons."
I hung up the phone and began to walk to his car. I was so confused with why everyone had thought he was picking me up. Quickly I realized why he had been lying. I saw Betty Gerson sitting in his passenger seat. He got out the car and jogged over to me.
"Hey, Babe."
"Don't hey-babe me. Why is Betty with you?"
He tried grabbing my hands. "It's not what it looks like."
I pulled my hands away. "It looks like you lied to your parents, your friends and to me. Why did everyone say you were picking me up? I called your dad because I was worried and he said you had left two hours ago to get me. You told me you were coming with your friends."
Betty hopped out of the car and made her way over. "I'm sorry, Mag, we never meant to hurt you."
"Hurt me? Hurt me! Are you freaking kidding?" I took a step back and Garrett grabbed me and began to apologize. I pulled away, rushing back inside. Once I got in there, I quickly ran to the bathroom. I slammed the door shut and locked it. I texted Gabby to come to the bathroom. I threw my phone at the ground. My heart was beating so fast it felt like I couldn't breathe. I wanted to punch a hole in the wall. Finally I let out a scream and fell to the floor, crying. I didn't know what to do.
After a minute of me curled up on the floor, I heard a knock on the door.
"Mas, let me in. It's Gabby." I slowly got up, making my way to the door and unlocked it for her.
She came rushing in, closing and locking the door right behind her.
"Are you okay? What's happening?"
"Garrett cheated on me with Betty!" I yelled. She looked stunned and I could tell she didn't know what to do, because neither did I.
"How did you find out?" she asked with a concerned and completely mortified look on her face.
"The whole reason he was late was because he was hooking up with Betty and lied to not just me, but everyone about it." I could feel myself quickly not being able to make out any words.
Gabby slowly made her way to me, giving me hug.
"I'm sorry, Gabs, but I need to go home. Where is Scotty?"
She pulled away slowly. "I'm sorry, Mag, but Scotty just left to take Jay home. He had a little too much to drink and was throwing up."
My sobbs began to get louder.
"I just want to go home." I fell to the floor.
"Let me call your brother; he'll come get us."
"No, I don't want to ruin his night."
"Well, I don't care, we can't be here right now."
She grabbed my phone off the floor and began to call Brady.
"Hey, Brady. Can you come get Mag and me right now?"
There was a pause. I looked at her, shaking my head because I didn't want her telling him what happened.
"Garret cheated on Mag." I wanted to punch her in the face. I knew how mad Brady would get. He would come rushing in here making a scene, and that was the last thing I wanted.
"Okay, see you soon," she replied to Brady on the other end.
"Why did you tell him that?" I slammed my face into my hands.
"Because Garrett deserves to get his ass kicked," she said, looking down at me.
"Yes, no kidding, but I don't want everyone knowing I got cheated on."
She sat down next to me as I cried. I felt so worthless and heartbroken.
"How can someone you love, who claims to love you, do this?"
"I don't know, Mas, I'm sorry." I laid my head on her lap and she just sat there rubbing my back.
My thoughts were beginning to drown me. Why wasn't I enough for him? Was I not pretty enough? Or funny enough? Did I not give him enough attention? What more could he have wanted? Did he ever love me? Why didn't he love me enough not to do this?
I felt useless, unimportant, unworthy, unloved. My heart felt like it was deteriorating and there was a gaping hole there. It felt like I would never be able to catch my breath or make the pain in my heart stop. I truly understand why they call it a breaking heart, because my heart never felt so torn. It truly was the worst pain in the world.
After ten minutes of our sitting in silence, listening to the loud echoes of the music playing from downstairs, and all of the people screaming and having a good time, we got a text from Brady saying he was here.
I slowly stood up. Gabby looked at me and grabbed a couple tissues. She did her best to wipe off the mascara that was under my eyes.
"Thank you," I looked at her.
"I love you, Mag. You will always be my best friend, and I will always be here for you." She grabbed my hand and we made it out of the bathroom. I heard both our names being called, but neither of us turned around.  Once we got outside, I saw Brady getting out of his car. 
"Mag, wait!" I could hear Garrett opening the door to chase us outside.
"I'm sorry. I never meant for you to find out this way. It was just this one time. It'll never happen again," Garrett continued to apologize but I paid him no mind. I saw Liam quickly running after Brady who had this look on his face like he was going to kill someone.
"Fine, leave! Don't talk to me." In that split second I felt so much rage come over me. I made a sharp turn and marched my way over to him. Before he could get one word out, I punched him in his mouth. And he fell back on the grass. I then turned to look at Gabby, Liam and Brady who all looked stunned. I had never been in a physical fight nor was I ever in any verbal altercations. Liam looked at me and cracked a smile. Gabby did the same. Brady still looked pissed off.
"You're lucky my sister hits like a man, or I would have knocked you on your ass myself."
He then came up and put his arm around me, giving me a hug.  He walked me to the car. Once we were in the car, it was complete silence.
I heard Liam clear his throat, "Dude, I'd pay to see that again."  We all let out a little laugh.  "Remind me never to get on your bad side." I smiled at him. He looked back at me and put his hand on my knee.