Finding Your Person

Chapter 18

The whole day I sat in all of my classes, unable to take my mind off of the game. My legs were restless and so was my mind, non stop thinking about soccer. In all honesty, the day was moving pretty fast. I thought the game was never going to be here, but I think my overwhelming nerves almost didn't want it to be game time just yet. I couldn't help but think, win or lose, this would be our last game. This might be the last time I ever played with Scotty. I never thought it would end, but here it is today, the end. The end of my junior-year soccer season, the end of me getting to play with one of my best friends, the end to what was one of the greatest soccer seasons I ever had.
I was feeling so many emotions walking into GC's office, I didn't even realize Garrett was in there. How could this be? I don't see him all week, he doesn't text or call me anymore, and the first time I see him, I have to be in a small confined room before the biggest game of my high school soccer career. I quickly looked at my phone as if to be texting someone. I didn't want to even make eye contact or even let him know I noticed him in the room.
"Hi, Mags!" GC walked over to me, and at that moment I had never been so thankful for this man. Of course, there had been the countless ankle tapings, icings of my knees, ankles, and any other bumps or bruises, gatorades, energy bars, getting me out of gym class, etc. Okay, so I had a lot to thank him for; however, in this moment I was immensely appreciative of GC.
"Hi, GC," I said with a calm, cool, collective tone, trying not to bring any attention to myself.
"Hop up, lady!" GC said, slapping the table so he could start taping my ankle. I quickly jumped up, and started focusing on taking off my shoe.
"Are you excited for the game?" GC started going through his usual game time speech, as he began to tape my ankle.
"I'm very excited." GC continued to ask me questions, and although I responded, I was drawing a mental blank. I was trying so hard not to look over at Garrett. The only time I took my eyes away from my ankle was to look at GC while he asked me questions.
A bunch of people came rushing through the door, and since GC's office wasn't all that big, it began to get very tightly packed in there very quickly. GC paused while taping my ankle and started telling people to get out if they were done getting helped. From the corner of my eye I saw Garrett walking out, and immediately felt a fifty pound weight lift from my chest.
My mood immediately shifted and GC knew. He never got into drama and didn't ask much about our high school lives, but he knew something was wrong.
"You okay, kid?" he said in a hushed tone, as he finished taping my ankle.
I nodded my head and gave him a soft smile. He smiled then slapped my shin.
"You're good, go get them, killer."
"Thanks, GC."
I hopped of the table and made my way out of the room and into the locker room. I was trying my best to not think about my almost run-in with Garrett and try to focus and be present with my team. Once I took a step into the locker room, however, it wasn't hard for my mind to escape the thought of Garrett. The music was blaring, and the vibration from the energy in the room made its way into my blood.
Everyone was changing and some had already begun putting their socks and shinguards on. For those that were already completely dressed, they were shouting lyrics to a song playing, and dancing around with each other. I quickly got dressed and made my way to Scotty and Gabby.
As I sat down next to them, we spoke briefly, but everyone was entertained with the music. There wasn't much conversing going on. Once everyone was ready, we had played the song we sang together before every game. We all stood up, wrapping our arms around one another. At the end of the song, instead of feeling energetic for the game, I felt more emotional than ever. It was potentially my last game with Scotty, and our last game of the season, win or lose. It was over just like that.
Coach Hayes shouted in to let us know we needed to make our way to the classroom. We all grabbed our things and headed out. It was pretty silent walking through the hallway. All you could hear were subtle whispers and the echo of our cleats hitting the tiled school floor.
Once we made it to the classroom, we saw Coach Meyers and Coach Hayes had been sitting at the head of the classroom patiently waiting. We filed in one by one, all taking our seats. Then, finally Coach Meyers stood up and walked out from behind the desk.
"Honestly, I didn't expect us to get here," Coach Meyers began, but before she could get any further, Scotty shouted out, "Well isn't that nice. Thanks for the pep talk coach." We all laughed at Scotty's remark.
"Let me finish," Coach Meyers said with a smile. "I didn't expect it, not because I didn't think you had the talent or the drive, but because I didn't think I was a good enough coach." She paused for a slight moment. "We all go around putting so much pressure on ourselves, that at some point we become our own worst enemy. Maybe you don't put too much pressure on yourself, but maybe there is a voice inside of you that's saying you could do better. Your ambition can be a wonderful thing, because it's what drives you. However, it can also be a flaw that stops you from being happy. You keep telling yourself that you'll be happy when you reach a certain goal. For example getting a certain GPA or reaching another intellectual goal of yours. Maybe you tell yourself you'll be happy when you finally get into the college of your dreams. Or when you win states in soccer. The problem with that is, happiness isn't a destination or something to be achieved. Happiness is an emotion. It is a feeling. You can choose to be happy. You can also choose to be your own cheerleader and encourage yourself. Don't belittle yourself. Be proud of who you are and where you are now, not where you want to be in the future. I'm talking about right now. Win or lose today, be proud of where you stand. I'm not saying you should only be strong and supportive of yourself, you also have to be there for your teammates, your family, and your friends. It's hard to always be happy and supportive of yourself. We're human beings, we falter. That's why it's important to have a team. You can't do it all on your own. You need those people there. I was wrong to think we wouldn't be here. I was wrong to doubt myself and I was wrong to not realize the amazing team I had standing right in front of me. I'm proud of the talent and hard work you girls all possess, but more than anything, I am proud of the people you are and the team you've become. That being said, I created a little video for you girls as a way to get you amped up before your game."
Coach Meyers walked back over to the computer. All of us sat in silence as we watched the video she made. It had our game song in the background, as we watched highlight clips of this season. All of the goals and great plays were included. There would be instances where we would all laugh, watching bloopers like Scotty tripping herself and falling to the ground in a pile of mud. I can still picture it from where I was standing. The video was truly amazing. Everything Coach Meyers did for us always exceeded any expectations we could have had.
What I couldn't get out of my head wasn't the video, but her speech. She had a way of weaving in life messages in her speeches, because she had always said it's not just about the game. There's more to soccer than just that ninety minutes you spend on that field. And there's more to life than just the big moments. I looked around at all the amazing teammates I had all my life who I feel like I've taken for granted. They were my sisters and always have been. You watch movies and hear stories about guys and how nothing is stronger than their brotherhood, but looking at us I would do anything for these girls.
As we began our walk from the classroom to our field, I couldn't help but think about all of the moments I spent out here. Not to mention, all of the smaller things. Right when my foot stepped onto the field, I had such a tremendous feeling of pride. Feeling completely unstoppable. Every crappy, upsetting worry I had in my head leading up to this moment completely escaped my mind, when my foot hit that field. All that was in my head was the game that I played all of my life with my best friends. The game that I had practiced for countless hours a day, every day of the week, every injury, every tear shed after a loss, every time I was ever pushed down, every extra sprint I did when I already felt like my body couldn't take anymore, all of my coaches I've had, every encouraging word spoken to me, and every constructive criticism from people pushing me, every demeaning, degrading, downright disgusting comment made about me, every weekend getting up at the crack of dawn to go play, every tournament, every pair of cleats my parents bought me, all of my amazing supporters, everything that I've worked for. I want to leave it all on the field today.