Never forgotten ~ Bucky Barnes

SEVENTEEN

I wish I could remember the old me. The old people I once knew. But I just can't, and it's killing me.

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The trip back to base was exhausting, images flashing before my eyes but only I could see them. Pain was shooting from one side of my head to the other, creating this shooting consistency. It was as if someone was knocking on my head like a door. My face wanted to show pain through the hard, cold exterior but I couldn't. Not when i could get put into blender and cyro tube.

A hump over the road that made the car jump slightly, brought me back from my thoughts and into the vehicle where I am sitting. From looking out the window, watching the scenery whizz by merging everything into one swift motion going to the left, to turning my head to see Hydra agents sitting with helmets on their heads and Winter sitting across from me. I felt lost and it was clear as day Winter did too. It looked liked he had seen a ghost and by the way he was looking at me ,with curiosity and small hint of care, I looked about the same. 

Both of us just as lost as the other, trying to find what was wrong with us. We knew that what Hydra was doing was not normal. It wasn't what saving the world was ment to be. That much we definitely knew without a doubt. However, we couldn't go against them, we couldn't disobey orders. They held to much over our heads. Hydra was all we knew of, get orders, find and complete the  mission, then return back to base, only to find another mission waiting for us. In that cycle was what our lives consisted of. Though recently, our training had gotten rougher, pushing us to the limit.

I could see Winter's exhaustion written across his face when they returned him to his cell. They would drag his almost limp body, sweat mixed into his hair making it look soaked through. His head would hang down, him not having enough energy or strength to lift it up. Though from the lights beating down on him, his face was shinny with the bodily  fluid seeping out of him. We had some idea what was happening to either one of us when they punished and tortured us. Though I don't think we completely understand the extent of it. Sometimes they would put us together and one of us would have to watch the other get beaten. But we didn't know what was happening behind closed doors of the other beatings.

The images and thoughts of seeing Winter beaten and shaking from pain and shocked peirced my brain. I squeeze my eyes shut as much as possible, trying to get the images out my head. Trying to ease the pain away. I bring my gloved hands to my temple, tracing where they would place the head set of the whipimg machine. Opening my eyes I see Winter looking at me, but his eyes weren't full of curiosity anymore, his eyes now had concern written in them. Shaking my head to my self, I try not to focus too much about it.

Without myself realising it, I let my flesh leg bounce slightly. I feel my body force my leg mid bounce, yet I let myself do it. It didn't bounce to the extent where it was noticed by everyone. My hands felt like they needed to do something, to keep busy. So I interlocked my fingers and my thumbs just lightly brushed up against each other. My heart race felt increased for reasons I didn't know. My mind went into a state of panic almost. It went completely blank and I couldn't think of anything without it being negative. Short, light, puffs of carbon dioxide escaped my mouth quicking my breathing pace slightly. My head feeling a little light headed and dizzy but I kept composure. I could wait until I get to my cell to figure out what was wrong with me.

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By the time we got to the base, my mind was so jumbled and disoriented that I couldn't even walk. Agents had to carry me by my hands and feet, letting my back dangle and scrape along the unforgiving, rough, stony ground. Though I didn't care, not really. I could feel the pain from the stones and rocks cutting my flesh away, making thick blood run down and fall marking the floor as we go. I could feel it try and get infected but it didn't.

The world around me blured from my eyes not focusing enough to make out each object. From the looks of the workers ,that I could make out, surrounding us, this wasn't the first time it had happened. So why can't I remember it?

Like always, halls passed either going left, right or dead straight until we got to the cells. Opening my cell, they literally throw me in without caring if I get hurt or not. My body hits the floor with a 'thump!' And my head hits the edge of my metal bed.  It bounces off and hits the concrete the same way my body did. I felt it all. The pain that shot up through my body. The way my brain bounced around my skull, giving me a excruciating headache, but I didn't do anything about it. To exhausted to do anything I layed there, not fully letting my body to fall asleep, as a weapon you never fully sleep. You always had one eye open and your guard up.

After a while, I sat up and shuffled to the gray wall next to the sturdy chains holding my bed up. A blank stare on my face as I lean my back upon the cracked, damaged, bricks. I began to feel my head put itself back into place. Thoughts tucking away in the correct box it was filed too.

My senses came back to me next, feeling the coolness beneath my hands from the ground under me. I grab what dirt and gravel I could and rub my hands over it, feeling something else to get my mind over what ever was happening to me. I felt my eyes focus back onto where I am and suddenly I felt all the pain I should of from being thrown into here. My face scrunched up in agony and a groan escaped my mouth.

I feel Winters stare on me so I look over and see him with glassy eyes, and in the pit of my stomach I hated to see him like that. We weren't meant to show emotions yet here he was showing those God damn emotions. However the next sentence that came out of his mouth shocked me.

"Are you Okay?" Emotion shoving through his voice. But I didn't know how to react or to say, so I thought. I thought hard because I wanted to give him an honest answer. So when I looked back up to him uncertainty written on my face, I gave him an answer.

"I-I. I don't know. Are you Okay?" I ask back with my eyebrows raised. Winter shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't think So." His face confused.

Both of us lost on our feelings, lost on everything. Even each other. All we could do now was wait in agonising silence and think about how to make us not so lost but a bit more found. Found in one another.

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Bold Itallics; memory/flashback.

A cute/sad one for you guys, I hope you enjoyed!!