To the Beat of My Heart

Today Is Hell

The morning is warm and quickly sensual. Clay's hand, voraciously curious, tracing lines, kneading flesh, pulling his softness to mine, a growling fiend exuberant with the energy of being in a new country, I, his conquest.

I was fairly ravenous myself. It started off innocently enough, just eating his lips, his neck, his chest, and further still till I took him in my mouth. Clay groaned. I groaned louder, laughing even. Today is hell so let the morning burn us whole.

After, breathing heavily, fully spent, Clay closed his eyes and sleep found him quickly. I smile, feeling the memory of his skin, of him inside me, running my finger along skin marked by bites and trembling with heat. And I look down, the climax obvious across my chest, my neck. I clean it with my shirt, slowly, grinning sleazily, feeling high—I can still feel everything and it makes me hard again. I lay back, wanting this energy to keep me afloat, keep me away from the long hours depression steals. Fuck, I can't drop this damn grin.

I'm sore all over, and I need a shower. I close my eyes, resting my hand across my chest, rise and fall, rise and fall... Shit, this can't last forever. This bed is a sanctuary I must deny.

I'm wrestling my jeans on after a shower session that dragged, left me sombre—you know the kind where you let the steaming water envelop you like a sizzling cloak against the world and you live out the questions that fuck you up—that you allow in this respite from the world, even if it keeps you under that scolding water for ten minutes, twenty, an hour, swearing beneath your breath, then louder. This morning's high faded too damn fast and I wonder if I even deserve it. Deserve pleasure and what essentially amounts to holiday after holiday. What have I even done with my life since school? Nothing noteworthy. How am I bettering myself? Am I just wasted potential, and no one is bold enough to say it to my face? Hell, they wouldn't break my heart; I manage fine all on my own.

Oh, and to top it all off, you drop the soap, hit your head on the glass and swear louder. Just me?

There's a knock on our bedroom door. I check my phone: two past eight. Draping the towel across my shoulders I move to the door, checking to see if Clay's still asleep and—Shit, Clay's bare ass is showing! I scramble over and quickly cover that tight bun. Heh, it's all mine.

The same kind woman at the desk greets me and she's holding a tray with two steaming cups of cappuccino. I thank her and listen as she describes how we can get a tour of the tower, offering the highest views of Quedlinburg, then asks if we would like to try the wine cellar. I respond curtly that I already did and it was lovely. My smile was forced and hurt my cheeks.

She goes on about the food, the sauna, and I can't help but shiver over the fact she's brought us cappuccino and looks genuinely delighted to speak of her business and her home. I never encounter people this enthusiastic back home. Germany is shitting all over England right now.

Clay wakes to the earthy aroma and I slide back under the sheets. Let's delight in this morning just a little longer. Let me have this.

***

Breakfast is a buffet and I can't help but feel like Ansel should be here. I mean he lives like ten minutes away, so booking him in here would be a waste. Tomorrow is another chance for that. Dude can eat for four. I just take some pieces of toast and an apple. Not feeling all that hungry this morning. The kind of morning I was horny, despondent, guilty, possessive and now lamenting my mate not being able to eat fucking toast with me.

I nibble at my toast while Kai and Clay chatter. Chelsea nudges me with her shoulder and smiles. I smile back, but she sees right through it. I'll save the apple for later...

She's coming with us, as much as I protested. Go, see the sights, I told her, but she's too stubborn for her own good. She made some lame excuse about not wanting to see anything without us but I know she's not going to leave us in a crucial time like this. She doesn't want to make herself obvious, just stay in the background and keep an eye on us.