To the Beat of My Heart

Back to This

Breakfast is just the three of us, but it's a silent affair. Chelsea solemnly eats a bowl of corn flakes and Clay tucks into his bacon and toast. His leg presses against mine, a reminder he's here, and I'm grateful for that. The number of times in school I'd tease his leg with my knee, or our feet would touch. I would get all flustered and pull back. Why did I pull back?!

I'm refreshing my emails, uselessly at this point—it's been almost a month since I emailed Leo and still nothing. Chelsea's spoon clatters against the side of her bowl.

"I'm all for a lowkey breakfast, but this is honestly abysmal. Lord knows I'm not fond of the guy, but Kai's yapping would inject some life into this sorry atmosphere."

"Sorry," I murmur.

"No, don't take it like that," she coos, reaching out and resting her palm on my hand. "You both look like you've had a rough night. I just want my boys back today. Is that too much to ask?"

I smile. "I'll liven up, just give me a little bit."

I pull down on the screen expecting nothing. A new email pops up. Well, shit.

My stomach sinks. It's from Leo.

From: bulgogimaster@yahoo.com

To: flemingo69@gmail.com

Subject: Long time no email

Hey Fletcher...

I'm a shitty friend. I told you before I wasn't ready to let you in and that was so fricken selfish of me. I was honest-to-god scared, like legit trembling at the idea of letting you know the real me. It's easy to talk behind a screen. I do get the jitters sometimes—it's nice talking to you. You're a good person no matter what you say. I have to do better.

Right now, it's easy to keep you at a distance but that's also meant it's been easy to push you from my mind. We aren't all that close. What do we really know about each other? Like, some embarrassing stories...? K, so, I work at an aquarium—

Do you, really, mate?

And you have Tourette's. You're funny and smart and love banana milkshakes. Also, you're really friggin' curious about bulgogi. Like, dude, just google your nearest bulgogi place, GODDDDDD!!!

We're internet friends but maybe not even that. I owe you so much better. I've been thinking a lot lately. Was kinda hoping you'd email me again. A week passed. I felt realllllllly guilty. I thought maybe the longer nothing was said, you'd lose interest, give up on me... I hope that isn't the case but I'd understand if you felt that way now. You deserve better than what I can give you.

That being said...

I want to try again. I want to move past emails.

So here's my number.

And crap, it's really there. I mean... wow.

Call me, text me... Though maybe we can start at texting. I'll send you stupid shit I find. You can laugh at my godawful memes. Hope we can kick things off the right way this time.

Your lame pen pal, Leo.

P.S. Leo isn't my given name. You're the only person who calls me that. My real name is Kyung Soon.

Kyung Soon.

That's a Korean name.

Leo is Korean. Korean-American, but the fact remains, I didn't... I mean...