The Ill-mannered Door (humorous sci-fi)

33.3: Homecoming

Upon reaching the Bounty and being pulled back onto the deck, I thanked Derek profusely and said, "I believe my neighbor is phoning the police on us. We'd best move along."

Derek rolled his eyes and said, "Please, they don't even carry guns. What are they going to do, tell us to stop? 'Oh, hello there up in the flying ship, stop old chap! Stop, I say, or I'll say stop again.' Yeah, frightening."

I stared at him and shook my head. Bloody North Americans.

He then turned and shouted, "All right, he's back on board, so let's go, Barry!"

There came the sound of shouted orders and the hoisting of sails, and it wasn't long before we had sailed out of my neighborhood.

Derek turned to me and asked, "Any sign of your cleaning woman? Did she make it back?"

"Yes, the good bit is that she appears to have made it back safely, but the bad bit is that she also appears to have made off with some of my belongings."

"She robbed you?"

"Well, some of my things are missing and she left a note saying that she was taking an immediate leave of absence."

"Yeah, I'll bet. Well, she was already stealing from you before, so it doesn't surprise me," Derek said.

"And just what do you mean by that?" I asked, my dander beginning to rise.

"From what you told me, it's not like she was cleaning anything. So, what were you paying her for then, to come over and take naps?"

"But..." I began to object before my mind finally caught up and I realized that he was right. Isabella had been using me all along. I was a right fool.

In my defense, I had never had a cleaning woman before and didn't quite know what to expect, though I was fairly sure there was supposed to be a bit more cleaning involved. I had to admit that I was lonely after my wife passed, and that it was nice to have a woman about the home again... in a way. Odd I know, but at least the bed was made and the delightful smell of her perfume on the sheets made me feel as if I wasn't so terribly alone anymore. Judge me if you will, but there it is.

Derek then said, "I'm going to go check on the king."

It then occurred to me that I hadn't the foggiest idea where we were headed, so I followed him and asked, "Derek, did you find out from the king where he thinks the queen is going?"

"Let's ask him."

We found the king on that upper deck part at the back of the ship where the wheel is. There was a sailor at the wheel, but the king looked to be doing a good bit of back seat driving--or would it be back seat sailing?--as he told the man to mind a taller stand of trees ahead.

"So, Barry," Derek said, "have you figured out where the queen is going?"

"Well, not exactly," the king said, shaking his head. A critical look from Derek made him elaborate further with, "Err, that is... You know, it's not exactly easy, Derek! After all, everything I thought I knew about her could now very well be a lie. The woman did lock me in a room so she could make off with a nuclear weapon in a flying ship, after all. My head is still spinning, so I had to go with what I think I know."

"Which is?" Derek asked.

"The mall," He said a bit sheepishly.

"We're headed to a mall?" I asked. "Any particular one?"

"Well, yes, she did have a favorite. I know it doesn't sound like much, and she may have just been acting all along, but if she was, then she really seemed to throw herself into the role of someone who adored shopping. And though she made some shopping trips to Earth without me more recently, she did leave a trail of evidence with the receipts."

"You'd better be right, Barry," Derek said as he left us with the sailor, who busied himself with trying to navigate around some of the larger buildings in town.