In a Pool of Blood

Chapter 7

Gerard groaned as he rolled over. It seemed like he was finally getting some sleep when the sun shone right through their worn out curtains. He didn't want to get up, every day was more shitty than the last. After his daily pep talk to himself to do something better than lay around, Gerard climbed out of bed and got dressed. His head was pounding and he could really use a drink or a snort or anything, but his stash was empty and Jed still hadn't come home.

Gerard decided to head towards the park and find another dealer who could set him up. As he walked, he noticed a small coffee shop he had never seen before. His eyes lit up at the thought of beautiful steaming cup of coffee warming his soul. He hadn't had coffee in ages because he used other means of waking up but he remembered the crumpled up bills in his pocket and decided to treat himself.

After paying for his drink, Gerard was falling in love all over again with the warming and aromatic welcome that a coffee shop gives off. Instead of slipping back out into the autumn air, Gerard decided to nestle into a small corner booth and people watch. He saw what looked like a moderately stressed business woman waiting for her order while talking on the phone. There was an older man, probably recently retired that still needed his morning caffeine fix. A group of no doubt college kids came in laughing and toting large backpacks. They made their way to a larger table, spreading out notebooks and books as they begin to study. Gerard was slowly realizing that the world wasn't nearly as ugly as he had always seemed to see. The road he decided to go down was far darker then what came and went from this cafe. Gerard instantly felt out of place.

While Gerard inspected the coffee shop patrons, it took him a few moments to notice someone had taken the seat next to him. Gerard sighed as he turned expecting to see a roughed up Jed but pleasantly surprised when he saw familiar tattooed hands were curled around a steaming mug.

The two men didn't speak, the initial shock from last night having already worn off. It took several moments before Frank finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry about last night" he said quietly. Gerard didn't respond right away, mostly because he didn't know what to say. Frank must have understood that because the pair fell into another only mildly awkward silence.

"Did you..." Gerard cleared his voice so it sounded less shaky. "Did you kill Jed?"

"No" Frank denied. "We let him go not long after you left and word has it he fled town". Frank tried to mask the smug smirk that was threatening to split across his face because the story he was telling was only about 15% true.

"He didn't leave. He never leaves" Gerard whispered, looking down at his now empty cup.  Just then a coffee house worker stopped by asking how their coffee was tasting. Frank leaned forward, pulling his leather billfold out of his pocket and pulling out a twenty dollar bill. He handed it to the barista.

"Two more cups please, black." The barista smiled as she took the bill and walked away.

"What? No, Frank I couldn't ask you to do that" Gerard protested even though another coffee sounded heavenly.

"Please, I insist" Frank said. The barista was back in no time with two more mugs and set them down, placing Frank's change next to them.

"Will you please talk to me Gee?" Frank pleaded, feeling like the time was right.

"I don't want to" Gerard whined.

Frank reached over and hesitated before resting his hand on top of Gerard's gently, making the younger man jump a little in surprise.

"Tell me about Jed. How did you meet?" Frank tried a different approach.

After a few long moments, Gerard spoke. "I was wandering around one night looking for something and this man grabbed me and tried to pull me into a dark alley". Frank involuntarily tightened his grip on Gerard's hand. "And Jed was there and he scared the man away. I told him about ... well about you and that I was looking for an escape and he said he knew just the thing. That's the first night I did cocaine".

"Do you love him?" Frank heard himself as before he could stop it.

"No" Gerard spoke with no hesitation or ounce of emotion. "Jed was nice and sweet at the start of our relationship but he changed. He cheated, pimped me out, hit me, left me alone for days. That isn't love".

Frank couldn't explain why but he felt a surge of hope when he heard that Gerard didn't love Jed. That surge would quickly diminish when he digested what Gerard had said, that Jed treated him worse than one would treat an animal.

"But I guess it's what I deserve. I'm not worthy of love, that's why you left". Frank was astonished. Gerard spoke with such conviction it was that he truly believed Frank didn't love him.

"You think I left you because I didn't love you?" Frank asked softly. "I left you because I loved you so much and my love was going to kill you some day".

"Because this life is so much better" Gerard said bitterly as he gestured towards himself.

"That isn't fair. I didn't expect this to happen. I wanted you to live the life you deserved, a life I could never give you. You filled in all these blanks yourself."

"I'm so tired of everyone making the choices for me. My father. You. I want a life where I'm happy and I was with you, but it just wasn't enough. I wasn't enough." Gerard said as his eyes finally started to water. Frank was learning Gerard was damaged, terribly so. But not permanently. Frank could fix him.

"Where are you staying?" Frank asked, trying to change the subject.

"Jed's apartment I guess."

"But I told you, Jed left. He isn't coming back".

"And I told you that isn't Jed. He will disappear for a bit but never forever".

"Come stay with me. You love my home, my garden could use some of Gee's TLC" Frank said hopeful.

"I don't want to be a bother". Gerard said staring straight ahead. Frank grabbed his chin and gently turned his head so they were looking at each other.

"You have never been and you will never be a bother" Frank said quietly. Gerard searched his eyes looking for any ounce of dishonesty, only finding sincerity. Gerard ached to lean forward and attach their lips but before he could garner up the courage, Frank had climbed out of the booth and turned to reach his hand out for Gerard. For the first time in two years, Gerard felt safe and wanted.

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Sorry for the long wait on a new chapter. Let's just say the month of August has been SHITTY. Oh well. Life goes on