In a Pool of Blood

Chapter 10

Frank had made sure that Jeanie brought in three meals a day while they were locked in that room. He also made sure that the food was dropped off and picked up while Gerard slept. For a full day, Gerard did nothing but sleep and vomit while Frank periodically dabbed his head with cool water. Frank had read through four books and even snuck in his phone for a little Candy Crush but mostly he just sat and watched Gerard. Late at night Frank would even curl up next to Gerard as they slept together. He hadn't realize how much he truly missed holding him before.

It was nearing dusk on the third night when Gerard was relatively lucid and conscious again. Frank had his glasses on and was completely immersed in the newspaper, too much so to notice Gerard was awake. Despite the pounding headache, Gerard took this rare opportunity to look at Frank, to really look at him.

Frank had bags under his eyes and a few worry lines. His hair was a little longer than Gerard remembered but not by much meaning Frank got it cut but would neglect it over the months. His fingers still appeared to have callouses on them which meant thank god he was still playing his guitar from time to time. Despite the last few years, Frank was still gorgeous and Gerard started to feel like Frank left because he deserved someone better than Gerard.

After several minutes passed, Gerard started to stretch out and groaned a little as the pounding in his skull refused to ease up. Frank glanced over the top of the paper to see Gerard was awake, causing him to gently fold up the paper and set it on the ground next to him.

"Hi Gee. How are you feeling?" Frank asked gently, sitting up straight in his chair.

"Like I'm dying" Gerard mumbled in response, his voice thick from not being used much.

"Yeah, withdrawing will do that to you" Frank chuckled a little.

"How much longer?" Gerard asked.

"Another few days at most. You're past the worst of it. You slept through most of it which is pretty lucky".

The pair fell into a comfortable silence, the only sound of light breathing.

"Why are you still here" Gerard grumbled as he closed his eyes. He didn't like confrontation but figured he was due some answers.

"Because I promised you I would be" Frank said simply. Gerard remembered Frank saying he loved him and he couldn't help the disappointment that washed over him when Frank didn't say it again.

"Frank" Gerard sighed as he garnered enough strength to sit up. "Why did you leave me?"

"Gerard I told you-"

"Cut the bullshit" Gerard interrupted. "Just quit with this whole knight in shining armor thing and have a real conversation with me".

Frank sighed. He didn't want to talk about this but Gerard was all but begging.

"Gerard, when you were taken I was scared. Like child afraid of the dark scared. I wanted to be strong for you but the thought of you being hurt just because of me made me sick. It was truly the first time in probably my entire life that I felt weak and vulnerable. You were my weakness, Gerard. But I can't be weak in this lifestyle so I figured me being miserable and alone was better than being weak".

Gerard was stunned into silence. He wasn't expecting an answer like that from Frank and he didn't quite know how to process it.

"You spent the last two years boasting about how this was such a beneficial decision and leaving me would only do us both some good. You didn't do it for me, or to save me. You did it for you. Our entire relationship, everything was for you." Gerard's words sounded spiteful but they came out barely above a whisper because his energy was waning fast.

After a long drawn out moment, Frank spoke again. "I'm a selfish man, Gerard. Would you love me if I was anything different then what I am?"

Gerard flopped back against the pillow, trying to breathe through another wave of nausea that suddenly hit. Frank figured if they were having deep conversations that he could throw out a question too.

"Why did you become estranged with your father? You two were closer then any father son relationship I had ever seen." Gerard rolled his head to the side to look at Frank. His eyes were bleary and he could sense exhaustion creeping up on him.

"Because if I wasn't worthy of you, I wasn't worthy of happiness period". And with that, Gerard closed his eyes effectively ending the conversation. When his light snores filled the room, Frank took it as an opportunity to step out and make a phone call.

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"Why the fuck did you let Gerard get away from you?!" Frank growled.

"Calm down" John tried to reason. "Gerard thinks he got away but he didn't. I know everything that's been going on. I know about Jed. I know about the drugs. I'm not an idiot". Frank was surprised.

"If you knew why didn't you try to stop it. Or better yet rescue him from it?"

"Because Gerard didn't want help. The more I tried to fix his broken heart the further away he wandered from me. Then one day he left his phone at my house with a note saying he was dead to me. I practically tore apart the city trying to find him. I have been watching Gerard from a distance for a while, hoping he would smarten up and come home". Frank sighed. He should have known that John would have an eye on Gerard, he always did. But how could he just watch him fall deeper and deeper into his addictions.

"It hasn't been easy" John replied as if he read Frank's mind. Once a week I drive by his place and see him. He looks so different and it takes everything in me not to grab him and throw him in the car. But he's an adult trying to find his way. I can just hope he finds his way back to reality at some point."

Frank told him about Jed owing him money and about accidentally capturing Gerard in the crosshairs. He also told him about the coffee shop and offering Gerard to live with him. He ended with the fact that Gerard was detoxing in his home at that moment and he couldn't be certain but Frank thought he heard a little sigh of relief on the other end of the phone.

"Gerard is with you?" John asked excitedly. "Can I come see him?"

"Well he is detoxing right now so he isn't much in the mood for guests. But come by in a few days, I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."

Frank had figured he spent enough time away from Gerard and ended the phone call by promising John to let him know when Gerard was coming out the other side. With that, Frank quietly stepped back on the room, locking the door behind him and resumed his vigil sitting by the bed keeping a protective eye on Gerard.