The Day After He Killed Himself

Chapter 05

After school I waited in my car until Logan joined me. I didn't say anything, I just started the car and began to drive us home.

 I probably should have said something to him, but I couldn't think of how to say what I was thinking. All I wanted to know was if he's doing okay, if his day went well, or if anything happened. Though I decided I didn't want to be too overbearing, so I kept quiet.

 I turned on the radio, but no more than I second went by before Logan shut it off. Apparently his head was still hurting too much. “I never said thanks.” He said out of the blue as he stared out the window. 

 “What?” I asked him in complete shock.

 “Liam, Anthony and Joie all drove home together last night, only they were wasted and ended up getting in a car crash.” He told he quietly. How could I have not heard about this? I must have been in my own little world all day because I didn't even realize what everyone had to have been talking about. “There all going to be fine, but it could have been really bad. I guess there just not likely enough to have a sister like you." There was a long pause, I didn't even know what to say. "I mean, for some odd reason you cared about me enough to take me home from the party. You continuously helped and covered for me even though I was being a complete bitch to you.” He refused to make eye contact with me, but I knew that was only because he was truly sorry. “So ya, thanks, and ya, um, I'm sorry.” He mumbled.

 “You'll be forgiven after you do all my chores for a month.” I say jokingly. Kinda."

 I saw all the color drained out of his face for a second, but when he realized I was joking he just rolls his eyes and said “Ya, right.”

 He gave me a small smile as our eyes meet for a split second. He then turned the radio back on and the rest of the car ride was silent.

 When I got home that day, I sat in my room and pulled out my journal and guitar. I flip to an empty page and write at the top. “September 2nd, 2019.” I started writing down what happened, the whole party, and Gray. Oh Gray, he's just so perfect. I took up three whole pages witch was mostly of me describing Gray in every little detail. His dirty blond hair, his bright green guys, the little dimples by his eyes that he gets when he smiles too big, and how his laugh fills your whole body with butterflies.

 I picked up my guitar and started strumming as I hummed.

 “If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song…"

 Me and Logan used to take guitar lessons together, we both stopped the lessons but we still play, though we haven't played together in forever.

 Just as I was thinking about him, my bedroom door opened and in came by brother. I stopped playing and looked up at him. "Hey."

 "Don't stop playing on my behalf." He came and sat by me and I started playing again, though I didn't sing. "And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger.." He started singing and it shocked me so much that I almost forgot the cords to the song. It's been forever since I heard Logan sing, I forgot how much I love it. "I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by..." Then he stopped and looked at me. "Come on, I know you know the words." He nudged me a little and I sighed.

 "I don't sing." I don't him, at least I don't sing in front of people.

 "I just heard you, now come on. Please?" Curse his stupid puppy dog eyes.