The Day After He Killed Himself

Chapter 06

“Gray Anderson!” All my friends asked in disbelief as soon as I sat down at lunch.

  "Whoa, what is this an ambush?" I laughed at my friend's shocked faces. Did they see us walking down the hallway this morning?

"Gray gave you his jersey and walked to you your locker this morning!" Angie basically yelled. Yep, they definitely saw us.

"Ya, so?" I asked, not thinking it was a big deal, but knowing it was at the same time.

"We just didn't think you two were so close." Ella told me, and if I didn't know better I would say she was kinda jealous.

“Um ya, I mean we've been friends through Logan, and I kinda always had a little crush on him.” I admitted, feeling my face turn red.

 “No duh.” Ella scuffed. “We all know you like him, we just can't believe he likes you back.” She was definitely jealous, and a little salty to be honest.

 “What's that supposed to mean? You don't think a guy like Gray would like me?” I was so offended my friends thought I couldn't get a guy. I mean I don't think I could either, but to hear them say it really hurt.

 “No Riv, you could get tons of guys, but a football star? I mean next to your brother he's the most popular guy in school. He just doesn't seem like your type.” Angie told me, very clearly not trying to hurt my feelings but still doing so.

 I rolled my eyes, getting fed up with everyone and there rude accusations. “So then what's my type?” I asked not even knowing myself what the answer was.

 “I dunno?” Angie shrugged. “Maybe a smart, artistic guy that doesn't stand out so much.”

 “Look, Riv.” Scarlet finally chimed in on the conversation. “We know you, you don't like to be the center of attention, so why are you going for the one guy who will give you just that?”

 She had a point, Logan has always been the favorite, the center, i've hid in the back all my life. It's not that I wanted to be invisible, it just felt safer that way. Maybe so I couldn't disappoint anyone, or maybe so I couldn't disappoint myself. Either way I was done hiding, it was my seinor year and I finally wanted to be seen. “It's not like I'm chasing after him because he's popular nor a football star, I just genuinely like the guy. And for some odd reason he's taken an interest in me too. Should I not be happy with a great guy just because some people might actually notice me?”

 They all looked at each other, and nodded in agreement, without saying a word. “We didn't want to tell you River, because we didn't want to make you upset, but people are already talking.” Angie started to say. “They think he's settling for you just because his best friend is your brother.”

 “They think he's doing Logan a favor!?” I exclaimed. I mean why would anyone say that?

 “Ya, I guess.” Ella shrugged. “We don't think being with him is a good idea. We really hate that the whole school is talking about you like this”

 “The whole school?” I muttered as I looked around self consciously, noticing that there were a few people who were staring at me. 

I really hoped it was all in my head, but my friends confirming it made my stomach twist.

 I got pitiful looks from all my friends and we just sat in silence and let lunch roll on.

 At the end of the day I walked to my car as fast as I could, hating that everyone was staring at me, or at least it felt like that. I hopped in the driver’s seat and watched as Logan talked among his football friends. I saw that he saw me waiting for him, though he made no effort to hurry up. I seriously considered driving home without him, but luckily for him his buddies had to go. 

 He made his way over to the car and gave me a glare when he sat in the passenger's seat. “What? Mad you can't control the music?” I joked as I put the car into drive.

 “Is it true?” He asked seaming oddly pissed for some reason.

 “What?” I laughed, still thinking we were joking around.

 “You and Gray? Is it true?” He rolled his eyes, seriously seeming pissed.

 “That were friends and going to hangout later? Ya its true.” I couldn't see what the big deal was, I didn't think Logan would be the type of person to say I couldn't date his friends.

 “Damit River!” He yelled.

 “What? Why do you care?” I yelled back.

 “Because Gray is my best friend!”

 “So? You think I'm going to steal your best friend away? Is that what this is about?”

 “No River, i'm not like that and you know it. I just mean that I know him better than anyone, I know how he is with girls. Trust me this is a bad idea, okay?” He lowered his voice and he was almost begging now.

 “What's that supposed to mean? How is he with girls?” I asked, not wanting to know the answer. 

 “He goes from one girl to the next, always having to have one on his arm even if he doesn't even like her. He's a good friend but a shitty boyfriend. I mean have you ever noticed he never actually had a girlfriend? All he does is hooks up with a girl and then moves on to the next. He's been with practically half the school, and the other half are boys. It seems to me like your the only decent option he has left.”

 Tears begin to fill my eyes as he kept talking. Why doesn't anyone think Gray could just like me? Why is it such a big deal that a boy pays a little attention to me? I immediately stopped the car, making Logan almost hit his head off the dashboard. “What the hell!” He yelled.

 “Get out.” I said calmly.

 “What?”

 “Get the fuck out!” I screamed at him. He saw the tears in my eyes and his face immediately dropped.

 “River-”

 “Now!” I screamed holding back all the tears I could. He opened the door and slowly got out. He tried to say something but I didn't care. I just drove away, finally letting my tears roll down my checks...