The Day After He Killed Himself

Chapter 18

  It was Friday night, and the lights of our stadium shined down on my face. The game was about to begin, and the football players and cheerleaders were warming up. I was terrified, not just of forgetting the cheers or messing up the dance routine, but of everyone judging me and laughing. I don't know if I would rather people talk about me behind my back or have them say it to my face.

My hands started shaking, and I suddenly regretted everything. My stomach was turning, and I felt like I was going to puke. "You okay?" I looked over to see Laynie, who was offering me a water bottle. "You look sick."

"Just nerves, thanks," I said, taking the water.

"That's normal; I was terrified my first game too. You'll do fine, though." Laynie was by far the heaviest cheerleader, being around a size eight. That was quite skinny compared to me, though when you compare her to the rest of the cheerleaders, she stood out. She had the bleach blond hair, though, and the award-winning smile. There was a special something about her that made her stand out far beyond her weight. Cheer always radiated from her, and you could tell she loved the sport. Laynie would easily be cheer captain if she were twenty pounds lighter and bitcheir.

"Thanks." I smiled and looked at the crowded bleachers. I felt so small compared to the intimidating crowd, yet I also felt huge, unnaturally huge.

"Relax," Laynie told me. "You got this." She playfully nudged me, and I couldn't help but smile. "Come on; we got to go hold the banner for the boys to run through. Laynie started walking towards the fence where people were already unrolling the large banner that we painted earlier that week. I followed her, though I saw a few of the other girls whispering and glancing over at me.

I didn't say anything. I just walked past them silently.

I didn't mess up the chants, cheers, dance, or anything, we won the game, and everyone was excited to go back to Robert's house for the after-party. I wasn't feeling so excited, I felt extremely out of place, and I just wanted to go home and watch a movie with some hot chocolate and a fluffy blanket.

I smiled at that thought and grabbed my stuff off the bench and headed to the bus. Angie, Scarlett, and Ella were waiting for me at the gate of the field, all smiling, though I could see some jealousy behind Angie's smile. "Omg! You were so awesome!" Ella yelled and hugged me tightly.

"Were you nervous?" Scarlett asked.

"You looked nervous," Angie added.

"I was, It was weird, but also kinda fun." I shrugged. "I missed not being able to sit with you guys and get milkshakes like we always do."

"Well, how about we go get milkshakes now?" Ella suggested, with a broad smile.

"That sounds great." I happily started walking with them to the concession stand, but I heard my name being called from behind me. We all turned around to see the cheerleaders getting onto the bus, and Ava yelling my name.

"Riv, aren't you coming?" The way she asked told me it wasn't much of a question. I turned back to Ella Scarlett and Angie, and then back Ava.

"Go on," Angie muttered.

"No, I want to go get milkshakes," I told her, but then Ava called my name again, and I felt compelled to go.

"Just go, River. We'll get milkshakes another time." She smiled, though I saw right through it.

"But-"

"Riv! The bus is going to leave without you!" Ava yelled and climbed onto the bus herself.