outfield Alex Verdugo

43

Alex
I've been knocking on the door for about 30 min now. I've called but she doesn't repond. Her car is parked but she isn't answering the door. I knock a couple more times but nothing i then call 911. "911 operator whats your emergency?" He asks. "I've been knocking on my girlfriends door for half an hour now and she isn't responding. I've called and she hasn't answered" i say. "Does she have any disability? Any mental health problems?" He asks. "Is she even home?" He asks. "Her car is parked" i say. "She suffers from depression" i say. "Any family members you can contact?" He asks. "No" i say. "Okay an officer is on the way" he says and i hang up.

20 min later two officers arrive. "Hello did you call?" He asks. "Yes" i say. "Tell me whats going on?" He asks.  "I've been knocking on her door almost an hour now. She hasn't answered any of my calls. I'm worried" i say. "Okay. You said ahe suffers from depression?" He asks. "Yes" i say. They start knocking and give announcements but nothing. That goes on for max 10 min then the neighbor comes out. "I saw her come in with a teen boy and a young girl who are her siblings and a baby in a carseat. They got here around 1. I haven't seen or heard them since" she says. 1??? Its now 8pm.

"Want me to get a knife and try opening the door?" She asks. "Yes" the officer says. "Is the baby your son?" The female officer asks. "No it's her newborn brother" i say and she nods. "Has she been suicidal?" She asks. "no" i say. The neighbor brings the knife and she helps open the door. I enter first and its DARK. I turn the light on and the carseat is in the living room. The officers follow me around. Her house/car keys are on the counter. We then go check her room. I slowly open the door and they're all laying on the bed. Claudia , the baby , victor and Wendy. Bazzi in his bed.

Seeing them all safe calms me down. "Can you try waking her up?" The officer asks me and i nod walking to her. "Clau" i say. I softly tap on her shoulders for a bit and she wakes up looking at me confused. The baby moves and he starts crying. She quickly sits up and acknowledges the officers.

Claudia
I get woken up , i didn't even know i was asleep. I look up and its Alex? Wtf. James moves and starts crying making me sit up. I see other people and focus on the bodies. Police officers? "What's wrong?" I ask and get up. "Where's his bottle?" Alex asks. "In the living room" i say and the officers start walking out of the room. My eyes are SWOLLEN of crying. I quickly make the bottle and give it to james. "Is everything good here?" The officer asks.  "Yes" i say. "He called saying he had been knocking and calling you but got no response and he got worried" he says. "We also knocked and called out many times and nothing" she says. "Sorry about that" i say.

-

"I'm so sorry" alex says and hugs me. I find myself hugging back tightly. And i just breakdown. "I'll be here for you like always" he says. "You don't have to act all tough infront of me. You know this" he adds. I pull away after a while. Victor and wendy wake up alex comforts them while i order us food. "Can we go to the house and get stuff?" Vic asks. "Your stuff is still here. Your clothes are in the closet" i say. "Oh okay" he says. "How are you? Your all worried about us" he says.  "I don't even know" i say and he hugs me. The food soon arrives an they eat. "You aren't going to eat?" Alex asks and i shake my head no. "Here I'll watch him , eat" he says. "No. I'm not hungry. I'll eat later" i say.

-

Its 3am. I haven't slept. Nate , Sam , vic , wendy and james are all asleep. Nate doesn't have his place here in la anymore since he's always on the road. They're all in the guest room , wendy didn't want to sleep alone. Nate didn't want her to leave his side. Alex is still here. "My life has been falling apart" i say breaking the silence. "When we broke up it was fucking hard as fuck. I lost myself. You affect my life more than expected. I realized with you i was a different person. I left the person when i left you place that day" i say.

"Part of me took what you said and tried to understand it , other part of me thought and to this day its still a thought in the back of my mind , although you've said it isn't something you're ashamed of. But the timing was sketch. We break up days after i publicly defend my self for a post i made , i "came out" and you began being distant. Maybe you say you arent ashamed , maybe you are and didn't know until then" i say. "Part of me still hurts , while the other part is stronger than ever. Even if right now i can't find it , losing you made me stronger. Made me realize you can love someone so much , spend so much time and effort giving them love and affection but at the end of the day if you aren't meant to be all that shit goes to waste" i say.

"And no I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. That never , i don't want you to feel upset over me. Maybe that day what i said wasn't the correct thing , I'll always care for you. I'll always be here for you because you've been there for me" i say. "I'm sorry , i did what i thought would be great for you. I'm not at all ashamed , trust me. You're an amazing girl. I regret breaking up with you every second since. I was so lucky to have you" he says. "I know this most likely isnt the time to say it but i just want you to know I'll do anything to be back with you at this moment. I love you , i care about you so much" he says.

"I'll always care for you , i always will. I'll be here for you. That being said , although i still love you with all my heart , we , us isn't meant to be for now. Like you said we're both on two different roads. I have so much going on. A relationship isn't something i need. I need to find myself , i need to do so much before i can even think of having a relationship" i say. "I'll give you all the time you need. I love you , i really do. I won't leave you on your own. I'll always be here for you" he says and hugs me.