Silent Pain

Coping and School

The sun is just above the horizon as I look at my clock. It's 6:29, my mom will be outside my door any minute. I might as well just sit up until mom comes. No doubt a few seconds later, I hear, "Sydney, it's time to get ready for school." "Coming mom". By the time I had gotten dressed, brushed my teeth, tied up my hair and did my make-up, mom had made pancakes, bacon and fruit cups and was brewing coffee for my dad. "Mom, do I really need to go to school? I'm still upset about Allen." "We all are sweetie, but we can't let Allen's death get in the way of our daily activities, Allen would want you to move on with your life." "If I cry at school, I'll never be able to live it down, that school taunts anyone who gets caught crying." "If you feel upset, ask to see Ms. Bjornson, she's there to help you". I let a tear slide down my cheek and ate my breakfast. Dad came down as I was putting my dishes in the sink and he kissed my mom on the cheek. "Morning kiddo", "morning dad," "Look honey, I know it's hard with Allen and all, but we're here for you." He gave me a hug, grabbed his coffee and sat at the table. Before leaving for school, I grabbed my make up and school bags then drove off down the road.

The student parking lot was crowded since all the juniors and seniors drove to school, especially those who recently got new cars or recently got their driver's licenses over summer break. I found parking, but so far away from the door I feel like I walked for a year before reaching the lower C hall door. I went to the locker I've had since my freshman year and put it together. I looked at my schedule; First hour, English, Mr. Roberts room G112. I've heard a lot about Mr. Roberts from Allen and his buddies and that he's a great teacher. Maybe he'll know about Allen and have a bit of sympathy for me. As I walk into the room, I search for anyone I may know. "Sydney Kingston", says a familiar voice. I look to my right and see my best friend since kindergarten. "Kate"! We hug so tight we could have cut each other's breath circulations off. "Come sit next to me! I heard Mr. Roberts lets his students choose their seats"! I put my book bag down next to the desk and pulled out my binder.

"Good morning class, my name is Mr. Roberts and I am your English teacher. For starters, we are going to get to know each other. I'd like everyone to stand up and give us one word that describes you using the first initial of your first name. I'll go first. Caring Calvin." Mr. Roberts looked at his paper and called on a girl named Lucy Anderson who used "loyal" as her word. I heard people say "sweet", "passionate", "amazing" and "smart". When it was my turn, I couldn't figure out what to say. I kept thinking "sad" but I don't want to talk about Allen's death to my classmates on the first day, but I couldn't just stand there either. Kate nudged me and passed me a note with "scintillating" written on it. After reading it, I said, "Scintillating Sydney". I sat down and Kate smiled at me. When it was Kate's turn, she said "knowledgeable". I can agree with that. Kate used to help me with my homework and still does. She gets excellent grades and has been a school tutor since 6th grade.

Mr. Roberts said he wanted us to do this for the rest of the week and learn each other's names because he's going to quiz us on our names at the end of next week. At least this will give me time to settle down before we start the academic work. I went to my 2nd hour with Ms. Wagner for chemistry. I struggled with small chemistry lessons in ninth grade so I'm not sure how well this will turn out. As I walked into the classroom, the worst thing possible happened. Rebecca Stone, my rival in academics, spotted me and walked over to my desk even though I was minding my own business. "So bubba died, didn't he?" She taunts. I try to ignore her but her insults kept getting worse and worse. Suddenly, I hear, "Hey Becky? It's been a while, I wanted to say hi." It was my friend Javier, Rebecca had a crush on him so she did anything he told her to do, including leaving me alone when she tried to bully me. So far, so good, Kate was in my first hour and now Javier is in my 2nd hour, but who will be there for me in my other four classes? After world history, art, algebra two, and Spanish, I finally went home. As I was walking out to my car, Rebecca was backing out unaware or uncaring about who was behind her and almost hit me. As she drove off, she sped out of the parking lot without getting caught. She almost hit a freshman too. Good grief. I got into my car and drove home. I didn't have much homework today except to get my parents signature on the syllabuses and an essay about myself for English. After I wrote the essay, I began to cry because I wrote about how the end of my summer break was ruined.

My mom heard me crying so she came to my room. "Oh sweetheart, it's going to be okay, you'll see". She hugs me and doesn't let me go until I stop crying. When she leaves, I sit on my bed and watch TV. After dinner, which I barely ate, I went back to my room to gather my pajamas for a shower. I took my shower, dried my hair, and plopped on my bed. I picked up a picture of Allen held it close. "Don't let me go through this alone Allen, okay"? After I turned off the lights, I quickly fell asleep still holding Allen's picture.