The Bird That Couldn't Sing (GBFF)

Chapter 36 - Sang

"All I'm saying is, we should do it. They'd never see us coming," Luke shrugs, making me giggle again, but the others guys--save Gabe--only groan. Well, after they all give me strange, adoring gazes when I giggle. Just like always. I don't even mean to do it on purpose, but now I definitely don't hold back on them. Because, well, they earn me looks like that.

"Oy! Come on, guys, stop being so fucking negative! I think Luke's idea is amazing," Meanie defends, throwing the rest of the boys all mock-glares. The only two guys that aren't here are Sean and Owen; they're still at the school doing teacherly things. Apparently the first day of school is really busy for teachers--students, too. Now, if it weren't for the guys, I don't know I'd even like coming to school.

Except for the self-loathing, hostile stepmother, neglectful father, and downright awful sister, I actually prefer homeschooling.

"You would! You two are always coming up with terrible fucking ideas!" shouts North. "I mean, come on, really? Putting snakes in Mr. McCoy's office? We can't do that. He'd know it was us and we'd get in trouble! Not to mention Mr. B's reaction. He'd be livid, in the not-so-expressive kind of way. It's those eyes, man; sometimes they really fucking creep me out."

"Okay, first of all, I actually think Luke's idea is genius. Though, I'll admit, a little reckless. Second of all, I actually love Owen's eyes. I think they're dreamy." I don't even bother erasing the last little bit about the "dreamy" eyes from the paper. They've seen me write embarassing stuff before. And honestly, I really do love Owen's eyes.

"What about my eyes, princess? Do you think mine are dreamy, too?" Victor gives me a cheesy smile. And, as if knowing they were called upon, his eyes light up, crackling and spitting and lighting up the room. Just like always.

"Oh, I love all of your guys' eyes. But if I'm being one hundred percent honest, yours, Victor, are my favorite. They're just so bright and warm and expressive. Make me feel like I'm on fire when you look at me." Okay, maybe I shouldn't have written that last bit.

But my second-guessing stops completely when those very same eyes do the very same thing I was just speaking of. Oh, I do feel very much on fire.

All he manages to say is, "Thank you." He blushes intensely and then his gaze casts to the floor, a little shy.

And instead of writing, I sign something I've already taught him. "Always, my prince."

He looks like he so badly wants to say something, and in this moment--with all the other boys surrounding us--I do too. So badly, all I want to do is throw myself in their arms and profess my love for each of them. But I can't. Not all of them. And I've decided: if I can't have all of them in that way, I won't have any of them. It wouldn't be fair to them. Because something tells me they feel at least a little for me of what I feel for them. A piece of them belongs to me, just as I them.

And, I've also decided that if it's up to me, they're never getting those pieces back. Because I guess I'm just selfish like that. They've made me selfish when before, I never even thought I'd make a friend.

Clearing his throat to break the peaceful, yet slightly awkward, silence in the room, Kota asks, "So, Sang, I forgot to ask you earlier... How was your very first day at a real school--well, as close to a real school as Ashley Waters can get?"

I smile at him for thinking of me and sign (because I'm trying to get them more used to it, and they're getting a lot better) "It was pretty okay, but I can definitely say you guys being there made it so much better. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't there to support me."