Miss Jackson 3: The Urie Family

Chapter Thirteen

I canceled my meeting, I mean, I had to. I was too anxious, there was no way I would be able to concentrate on anything with the idea that I could be-no I can't think.

I stare at the blue and white stick but it's flipped upside down because I can't look, I can't watch. Brendon sits on the tub scratching at his beard, he looks up at me from behind his rimmed glasses and gulps.
If I am, if we're about to have our 4th, how will we feel? How will we manage?
With a thumbnail between my teeth, I look back down at the stick and then myself in the mirror. It makes sense, I know I am. I can feel it now. Throwing up, crazy food cravings and then not being hungry at all. I almost add thinking today was Wednesday when it's Friday to the list but that's a small point. I've never really had pregnancy brain before.

"Okay it's been 3 minutes!" He stands up and then clears his throat. I look at him, my eyes wide as he picks up the stick and turns it over. I move my head over to him and look at the stick.
Pregnant

Words. Aren't spoken for a long time. We just stare at the word, hoping it will change or maybe not? I honestly haven't put a feeling down. I don't know how to feel. A 4th kid? My mind instantly jumps to Brendon and how he's feeling. He was more than excited for all 3 of our kids to come. Will he feel the same the 4th time around.

"So?" I finally say, breaking the silence. I take the stick from Brendon's frozen hand set it down. "That's it then?"

"Um." He coughs, due to having a dry throat. "This is...unexpected." He rubs a hand through his hair and then adjusts his glasses.

"Are you...?" I pause, hoping he will fill in the gap with how he's feeling.

"Excited? Yes of course. It's just...a 4th kid. We've been a family of 5 for almost 4 years. I thought we were done honestly but...this is going to be-" he sighs. "I was an only child so I always knew I wanted a lot of kids." He shrugs. "But I'll be 40 next year and that sounds crazy...to be 40 with a newborn-doesn't it?" He goes on. He always talks a bunch when he's nervous.

"Umm. Let's just- take it a moment at a time. I want to get a doctor appointment to confirm it before we tell the kids...and then we'll wait a while before we tell everyone else. One things for sure, this will be my last pregnancy." I tell him and a place a hand over my flat stomach that is soon to grow. I'm not scared or anything, Brendon and I always knew we'd have a big family its just a bit unexpected and a little out of place.
Brendon takes the stick and leaves the room as I find my doctors number in my contacts and make a call for an appointment, I didn't think I'd ever have to make again.

On Monday, after the longest weekend of my life, I take the kids to school and then Brendon and I go to our doctors appointment, leaving my mom with Asher.
Waiting in this tiny white room is maddening, already knowing what we're here to find out and just waiting on the green light.

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Urie, long time, no see." She laughs. "I understand you're in need of a pregnancy test?" She says looking at our chart.

"Yep." I tell her, tapping my fingers.

"And you already took an at home pregnancy test?" She asks. We both nod. "And it was positive."
More like them, I took like 6 over the weekend, I needed as much confirmation as I could muster.

"All of them, yes. We just need you to confirm it and tell us when to start setting up the nursery." I try to laugh off my nerves but it turns out to be a failed attempt.

"I take if you weren't planning on a 4th?" She asks, while writing stuff down on her clipboard.

"Well, we weren't planning on any of our kids. This one is just...out of left field." Brendon explains.

"That's not true, Brendon we planned on Grayson. Kind of. We were talking about having a second kid. And then...it kind of just happened from there." I defend us, it makes us sound terrible if all of our kids were unexpected.

"Well 50 percent of pregnancies are unplanned." Our doctor adds. "Now, lets get that test." She hands me a pee cup and I head to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, I get caught by my reflection, I look down at my stomach and I know it's flat but I can't help but to be mesmerized by the idea of it growing big again. When we found out on Friday I was scared and nervous to have a new baby but now that I think about it, I'm very excited for all of it. To watch my belly grow, feel the babies first kicks, find out the gender, set up the nursery, I'm excited for it all.

After about an hour of waiting, the doctor finally comes in, looking excited. Which confirms what we already knew.

"Congratulations! You are pregnant, looks about 4 and a half weeks along. Which means, I'd estimate the date of conception to be early April." She explains and I think back to the last couple times we've had sex. We're always busy so it's rare. We've had sex, that I can remember 3 times this month. And that means it was the night of the people's choice awards.

"The hotel." I tell Brendon and laugh. He looks confused for a minute and then I watch it register in his mind.

"Oh my god, of course." He smirks. "Now, listen doc-I'm gunna be 40 next year, be honest with me. How likely is it that I will be able to...have another one after this one?" He asks and I scoff.

"Slow down there B, this will be our last child. We can barely remember the 3 we have now." I tell him.

"I know...D." He sighs. "I'm trying to figure out if it's necessary...for you know-" he gestures to his bottom half. "The snip."

"Oh." The doctor and I both say.

"Well the chances of conception start to slim after you reach mid 30s, so Delilah being only 32, I'd say it's a likely possibility but if you'd like a more permanent way to stop conception, there's always tubal ligation. That's where we tie Delilah's tubes to stop conception." She explains.
"But for now, lets focus on baby number 4, okay?" She smiles and Brendon nods.

After everything, we leave, knowing our next visit will be in June and head home with the exciting news to share with our kids.