Chapter 11

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Bella's P.O.V

Ungrateful. Selfish. Bitch. Every single word that could be used to describe me at the moment echoes through my mind as I lie in his bed. Is there something worse than being with your boyfriend and be thinking of another man? If Jacob could only see my thoughts at this moment, he'd hate me. He'll break things off with me, throw me out of his house and damn me straight back to hell before I had the chance to say a word. And all because I'm thinking about Edward during the most intimate moments I share with Jacob.

He groans on top of me, his thrusts becoming harder and quicker. He's close. I count down the seconds until it's over, giving a shoulder squeeze, a light moan. I know the drill by now. And then... He stills on top of me, groaning against my ear and neck, his heavy breaths enveloping me. And it's over.

Jacob rolls off me and sighs happily, wrapping his arm around my midsection. I pull the blanket to cover myself and keep my eyes on the ceiling, avoiding all eye contact in fear that he'll see who I was thinking about while he was making love to me.

"That was amazing," he breathes against the side of my head. I force a nod and give him a breathy yes.

"I should get going before Charlie begins to wonder where I am," I say, sitting up in search for my clothes.

"This early?"

"I also got homework," I lie. I slip my underwear on and my shirt, followed by my pants, all under his watchful eye. I lean down on the bed and give him a quick peck on the lips. "I'll see you later."

He smiles. "I love you, Bella."

And heartless. That's another word could be used to describe because I can't find it within me to say it back.

"And I you," I tell him and I get out of there as fast as I can.

I stop my truck when I'm in the middle of nowhere, right in between Forks and the reservation and sigh. This can't keep going on like this, I can't do it. I love Jacob... But not in the way he loves me. I know he doesn't deserve it, not when it has all come down to the point where I daydream about Edward when I'm with him. And I daydream about him a lot. I wonder what would it be like to kiss him... Hug him... What it would feel like to run my fingers through his bronze locks and be completely enveloped by his sweet aroma.

Even when he stands beside him, his presence is enough to overwhelm me. To make my heart beat at a faster rate.

It shouldn't be this way.

I check my phone again and my finger hovers over his contact number. I was really looking forward seeing him Friday night, but then Jacob and Jasper came to the diner alone with no knowledge of where Edward was, just that he'd gotten in the car with Emmett and Emmett said he'd be back. When Emmett arrived, I cornered him and asked what happened, and all he said was that Edward wasn't feeling well and decided to go home. I thought of perhaps giving some space, but it's Sunday night and I have not heard from him all weekend.

I toss my phone aside and start my truck again.

When I arrive to Carlisle's estate, I see Edward sitting on the porch with his sketch book at hand. He looks up when the truck stops and his eyes widen when I hop out of the truck. I give him a small smile, hoping me being here wasn't intruding. But then he smiles and all my fears are eased. I take a seat beside him on the steps of the porch and nudge his shoulder with mine.

"Hey, stranger."

He chuckles. "Hey, yourself."

"I was worried," I admit, even when he didn't ask. "When Emmett came back Friday night without you and said you weren't feeling well, I worried. I thought you'd call later... But you never did."

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