The Meeting - SMii7Y

Closing the Door

Elle was right, I barely knew this boy and he was not worth getting crushed over. When he texted me, I responded dryly, and when he called, I made an excuse to leave. I had already sat around and felt sorry for myself about him, but nothing was going to change, so there was no reason to give either of us false hope.

I thought maybe if I gave it some time, my feelings would die and then I could go on to be just friends with him. Instead, Smii7y stopped texting all together and I did too.

While I was disappointed, I also knew this is what was best for me. With my mind clear and my heart light, I was able to finish my semester off strongly. As summer vacation started, Elle kept talking about us meeting up again, but I told her I didn't have the money- and I didn't.

"Do you really not have the money? Or do you not want to come here because you'll be reminded of Smii7y?" She asked me over facetime.

I hadn't even thought about that.

"No, I haven't talked to him in months, it was just a small crush. I really don't have the money, but you can come visit me," I sighed.

"I'll try to see what I can do. And you don't have to pretend you didn't love Smii7y." I didn't think I was pretending, but she was the kind of person that knew someone better than they knew themselves. I explained why I pushed him away. She nodded and agreed it was probably for the best, but I could tell a part of her was mad at me for not fighting for love, but her mind knew I was in the right.

We talked for a while longer before she had to go. We said our goodbyes and I love yous and I hung up the call thinking about Smii7y for the first time in a while. I wondered if he hated me. Or if he thought I hated him. Or if he had a girlfriend. Or if he thought I had a boyfriend. Either way, I still couldn't text him, I would just fall into the idea of him again. And that was the worst part, he'd always be just an idea.

---

The next day I woke up with 5 missed calls and 2 voicemails from Smii7y. It had been two months since we've had any contact, and yesterday was the first time I even thought about him. This wasn't a coincidence.

Without even listening to the voicemails I called Elle. She had to have done something.

"H-hello?" She picked up and sounded like I had woken her up. Timezones were a bitch.

"What did you do?" She knew what I meant.

"I texted Smii7y and told him you love him still and you haven't been talking to him because you don't want a long distance relationship." She spit out her words quickly.

"I just wanted to move on, Elle," I told her. I couldn't be mad at her. "But we talked about this and you agreed with me."

"I did agree. But I also know your head wants to move on, but your heart can't. I'm not saying you have to date him, but you have to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Otherwise you'll never get closure." I took a moment to process her words.

"Go back to sleep. I love you," I said gently and hung up.

What she said made sense, but this was also my life. Maybe that's what would be best for her, but it's not what's best for me. I didn't need closure for something that never started. Talking to him again would just ruin all the progress I've made, and I had been getting along fine without talking to him. So I deleted the voicemail notifications and his number.